Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. It turns out later that someone was blackmailing your teachers on your behalf. Even though you had nothing to do with it you are stripped of your good grades and expelled from the college.

I wish the ants in my bedroom would go away.

Granted. There are no more ants in the world and the ecosystem suffers and there is an apocalypse.

I wish Democrats would win big in the 2024 election in America.

Hoooooh boy, I don't wanna corrupt this one. Why did you have to wish for something so important in a place where wishes inevitably turn out for the worse?

Well...

Well.

A certain populist political figure incites his followers with (more) claims of election fraud. This once more triggers riots, not just in Washington but all across the country. The situation escalates and becomes entangled with more and more of America's (and indeed the world's) hot points - gun control, racism, abortion law, climate change, elitism, rightism, health care reform... It escalates and escalates and the world watches in shock, disparate voices barking in every direction, many calling it a second American Civil War.

Without the USA's support, and with Europe thoroughly distracted, Ukraine begins losing more and more territory to Russia. Russia captures Kiev. Europe rallies. Putin throws out more threats  of nuclear escalation even as he presses further and further west.

Violence and conflict escalate in the Middle East and North Africa. North Korea is waving its flag. The UK collapses under the burden of rising poverty caused by a sad morass political incompetence. Powerful nations are look to press their advantages. Eventually the whole horrible situation ends with the Doomsday Clock ticking over to midnight and human society ends.


Err...

I wish for something nice for breakfast?

What a lovely fictional epic you've written, Talps.

Granted about the breakfast. You eat a delightful breakfast with toast, potatoes, fruit, sausage, and a glass of orange juice. However then you have to go on a car trip the next morning and the only breakfast you're able to get on the road is a lukewarm, slightly soggy breakfast sandwich.

I wish my friend's girlfriend Amy would let me use her garage to do kiln-fired enamel in.

Granted. Your friend's girlfriend Amy is actually super excited about your kiln-fired enamel and every time you're in the garage to do it she comes there and invites all her family, friends, neighbours and random people just walking around to watch you kiln-fired enameling stuff. It's so distracting you hardly do any kiln-fired enameling but you have space to do it, if just everyone went away for a while.

I wish the next pope was called Pius.

Granted, but the one after him will be called Popey McPopington.

I wish I got less stressed out about driving moderate-to-long distances.

Granted. Now you're stressed any time you're not driving moderate-to-long distances.

I wish I wasn't almost out of tea.

I wish Purple Ink would stop making wishes that lead to their untimely demise.

Granted. Their wishes now lead to your untimely demise.

Granted, you now have all my tea. I go out to buy more tea and get trampled by a rampaging horse.

I wish I owned a house.

Granted, you own a house but it seems that it's actually a restaurant called D U M P L I N G H A U S and now you have to run a restaurant.

I wish the many unemployed and career-confused friends I have could all find their dream jobs and make money from them.

Granted! All your friends end up with the perfect job! They make exactly 0.01 USD before being fired.

I wish I didn't have an appointment tomorrow morning.

Granted, your appointment has been moved to 11:59 PM tonight.

I wish my landlady would clean out the dryer vents. I get paranoid about house fires

Granted. She also cleans out the dryers, while you left a load in.  She gives no explanation, apology or compensation for doing this.

I wish my friend's misogynistic, transphobic housemate would take a hint and move out.

Granted! Your friend's housemate moves out because a new commune called T E R F H A U S just opened. However, a new housemate moves in with your friend. She hates both Israel and Palestine and advocates for them to both be destroyed and claimed by Russia.

I hope that a person I dislike a lot is not in either of my classes this term.

Granted. They are now in every future  class with you.

I wish I wasn't so sleepy.

Granted; your body grows a new organ that naturally produces caffeine. You are now always wired, and of great interest of scientists the world over. Also your blood pressure is awful.

I wish for another nerdy friend I could go to the theatre with (since my current theatre-nerdy friend is moving to Austria in Autumn).