Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Your boots are slightly less stiff but each one at different times.

I wish my sheet fit my bed.

Granted. It miraculously changed colour and pattern to something you really hate.

I wish my mother stopped adding zucchini into every meal she makes.

Granted. She instead adds enormous quantities of tabasco sauce to every meal she makes.

I wish for a hug.

Granted. An animal you're allergic to now has its forelegs around your neck, and refuses to let go.

I wish for a metal pipe that always makes this exact sound when you drop it or hit something with it.

Granted! It is too big to actually pick up so you cannot drop it or hit something with it.

I wish it wasn't getting cold already.

Granted. Global warming accelerates. Droughts, fires, mass extinctions, huzzah!

I wish we as a species could pull ourselves together and stop pumping our atmosphere with greenhouse gasses.

Granted. Current local wars escalate to ugly nuclear ending that reduces human civilization back to the stone age so the production of greenhouse gases is reduced as well.

I wish there was one more bathroom in my family's home.

Granted. There is now one more bathroom but every other room has been removed. Enjoy your house that is just a bunch of bathrooms.

I wish I didn't have to go to the store.

Granted. You now live in the store, in a tent in the back room. Also, you now work in the store too. You never have to go there again, since you never have to leave.

I wish my favourite t-shirt automatically cleaned itself every night, so that it's always fresh every morning.

Granted. Your favourite T shirt somehow cleans itself but all your socks remain dirty and smelly no matter what you do and even if you buy new pair it immediatelly starts to smell.

I wish people respected I don't like phone calls and sent me mails or texts about stuff that doesn't need to be done immediatelly instead.

Me too Granted. Your phone never works again though.

I wish it wasn't so cold.

Granted. The Earth is moved to the centre of the sun, where the temperature is about 15,000,000^oC.

I wish I could be bothered to go out and get a nice coffee.

Granted. Someone replaced all your furniture with jam sandwiches while you were sleeping which attracted loads of ants to your place. Because the ants bother you a lot and you need to go buy cleaning supplies, insekticide and new furniture anyway you may as well get a nice coffee while you are out.

I wish I haven't forgot to turn the page of my calendar on Monday because I almost missed another picture of cool train.

Granted. You didn't forget to the page on Monday. You forgot on Sunday.

I wish I'd remembered my tea sooner so it was still hot.

Granted, you remembered it when it was still boiling hot. Then you forgot it again.

I wish for a week's holiday from work.