Corrupt-a-Wish

Granded. It exists. It was only demo recording made by The Sean Atkins Experience before they split up and forming two other groups that never made it big either. Because of arguments between those two groups it was never played again publicly and no other recording was made. The only one is in the garage of some weirdo collector with congestive heart failure who smokes heavily and whose wife made it clear she's going to destroy the collection the moment he is dead purely out of spite. How the Portishead got to sample it is unclear but no one else will probably get to hear the whole thing.

I wish I was able to walk over gravel or pebbles barefoot.

Granted. You can. In fact you already could. It just hurts. But you learn to go through the pain and now your feet don't feel anything anymore. On a hot day, you walk over hot pavement and you don't feel that your soles are burned off and you only realise the problem when you see that your feet start to bleed and you need to get emergency surgery with 5 months of recovery time.

I wish I could control time in such way that I can make it go faster or slower without it affecting me. So if I need to wait, I just speed up time, and if I need more time to complete something, I just slow time down.

Granted. You then discover that the universe is effectively a simulation that renders about 10000 "frames per second." Additionally, while you have the power to speed up or slow down time, you don't have the power to revert those time changes, instead applying opposite time changes proportionally so time seems to go back to normal. As it happens, whenever you slow down time, you introduce some artificial smearing between frames, and whenever you speed up time, you drop a few frames. (There are probably better options the Universe Builders could have used, but they mainly wanted to get this feature out the metaphysical door.) Initially this isn't noticeable, but you use this power a lot, and it stacks up. Vision is now a bunch of washy overlaid images playing at 5FPS, and all audio receives similar aliasing as if you were to resample it over and over.

I wish for a clear and concise summary of what's going on in the world right now.

Granted. However, given the sheer amount of stuff going on in the world right now, the only way to do this is to completely altar your interpretation of the word 'concise'. You spend the rest of your life listening to a clear summary of everything that was going on in the world on the day you made that wish.

I wish for a fish on a dish I could squish.

Granted. Ish…? The wish was ambiguously worded so i couldn’t interpret if you wanted a fish (non-squishing type) on a dish which itself could be squished, or a fish (squishing type) on a normal non-squishing dish, or, even both fish and dish to be squishable, so just to be on the safe side i made you a goat in a boat you can tote—with difficulty—both are concrete, to avoid the whole ‘squish’ dilemma.

I wish playground equipment came in adult sizes

Grnated. It now comes in sizes for all types of adult tarantulas.

I wish there were a strange manor somewhere in Bedfordshire no-one's ever visited before, and if you walk inside you'd find a table with exactly three objects on it: an apple, a hat, and a skull. You'd be briefly confused by this arrangement of objects before coming to a stunning revelation about the nature of matter itself, so vast and enlightening that you'd go insane trying to process the ramifications. You'd then ditch human society and live the rest of your unnaturally long life inside the manor, as locals speculate that you originally built or owned the manor before finding something inside it that drove you to insanity. Only one woman would be brave (or foolhardy) enough to shrug off these mythos and enter the manor herself to find out what's really going on. And that woman would be named: Juni. Got all that?

Granted. After centuries of living alone in the mansion insane from the revelation about these three objects you look quite dishevelled and scary and she wants nothing to do with you.

I wish I had morre effective way of catching rainwater or at least more buckets.

granted. you now have a giant bucket with a grated bottom that cannot catch rainwater but which can catch more buckets. but how would you catch buckets, you may ask? well, the elusive Bucket Thrower Man who shows up every 3000 years is about to come to your area. get ready.

They Might Be Giants had (has?) a service called Dial-a-Song where you would call their number and the answering machine would play back an original song for you. Got it? Now, I wish there were a Dial-a-KS-Level service.

Granted. It uses AI to generate new levels on request. They're not good levels - most of them are obviously repeating sequences from each other and at times lifting them directly from other levels but with the wrong tilesets making them look janky and weird. Many of the levels it generates are broken to the point of unplayability, and they're all either pretty short or exceedingly long and repetative.

I wish I didn't have to go to the meeting I have to go to tonight, and that I hadn't volunteered to go to the meeting I volunteered to go to tomorrow.

Granted. You don't have to go to any meeting. However by granting your wish about a week after the meetings happened the time continuum was broken somehow and now you are trapped in neverending meeting.

I wish for a new swimsuit that would have colour and cut that I like, would fit me and would last me as long as the old one.

Granted but now none of your other clothes will ever fit properly again.

I wish for more tea.

Granted, but all your water is lukewarm.

I wish for no disruption to my journey this week.

Granted. You now have disruptions during every other journey.

I wish for a new car.

Granted. It's railcar.

I wish peanut butter was more widely available in my country.

Granted. All the rivers in your country now run with peanut butter instead of water.

I wish my walking boots were slightly less stiff.