Could you do me a favour?

I would but I'm sure you did it all by now yourself.

Do me a favour and pick up my parcel at the post office.

I would but it's been so long the parcel has returned to sender.

Do me a favour and refrigerate my Monster for me.

I would, but... ew, why are you drinking that stuff?

Do me a favour and... confirm that Purple Ink wasn't talking about an actual monster, right?

I would but ... 

Do me a favour and finish this tedious work for me.

I would but you yourself described it as tedious so I am not too inclined to do it for you.

Would someone be so nice and peeled and sliced this huge basket of apples for me so I can put them into dryer ?

I'd love to, but I'm not allowed to touch knives anymore, since... the incident...

Be a dear and recount to me what actually happened during... the incident... I think my memory of... the incident... may have been erased from my by shady government employees. Or possibly by the micro-chemicals hidden in our food.

I'd love to tell you but I'm not able to talk about it without bursting out laughing because it was so... maybe it's better for you to not remember it because it was a bit embarassing... but... that little blue hat... HAHAHAHAHAROFL

Could anyone with better self control tell Talps what happened ? Or draw a simple diagram of it ? Somehow express it with emojis ? Because I can't stop laughing.