Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Dating is now outlawed and harshly punished, thus completely out of the question for everyone. As a result, everything else automatically becomes more of a priority for people to put effort towards. Not that this actually drives people to care about friendship, mind you... in fact, this only pushes most of them to further neglect human relationships and start drinking heavily as a coping mechanism.

I wish I got paid 100€ for each post I make. These bottles are expensive, y'know...

Granted. It's crowdfunded by the other forum members so no one actually gains anything and no one is allowed to post too much to not ruin other forum members financially.

I wish my headache would go away.

Granted. The neural pathways in your brain are re-routed so that the headache disappears. Instead, the pain now manifests as continuous foot cramps.

I wish Windows 12 existed and was actually a decent OS, so I can skip 11.

Granted, you can use Windows 12, but Knytt Stories doesn't work on it.

I wish I could have a free trip to Lithuania, Croatia, and Czechia to see my ancestral homelands.

Granted, but you have to cross the Atlantic in a rowing boat.

I wish the game I'm currently playing didn't have content that is only accessible on certain days of the IRL week.

Granted. It now has content that isn't accessible at all.

I wish I didn't have to make this phone call.

Granted. The person you need to call suddenly goes deaf, refuses to text or email and didn't learn actual sign language yet so you have to solve your issue by communicating in pantomime.

I wish there were still some leftovers from yesterday so I didn't have to make lunch.

Granted, except then you get food poisoning, oops.

I wish I had an energizing beverage.

Granted, only its Radithor, an energy drink produced in the 1920s that contained radium (true story - it ceased production when their highest profile customer's jaws fell off).

So there's a volunteer thing I've been doing for years now and I really want to stop. I've agreed to keep going for the next few months so the organisation has time to plan around my leaving. I wish I could just give it up immediately without that leaving them in the lurch.

You quickly find someone to take your place. However it turns out that this person is wildly incompetent and damages organization equipment while saying discriminatory things whenever they want. And it reflects very poorly upon you.

I wish I would never have insomnia again.

Granted. You have hypersomnia instead.

I wish I didn't have to go out tomorrow.

Granted. Nothing changes. You don't have to go out; you'll just have to face the consequences of avoiding whatever obligations make you feel like you have to.

I wish for a bowl of hot, tasty, non-poisonous soup.

Granted. Soup is hot, tasty, non poisonous and there are five cockroaches doing synchronised swimming in it. Their choreography is really impressive though.

I wish I had really comfortable and good looking armchair in my room.

Granted. It's extremely comfortable and it's got a really nice sheen to it. You notice a very satisfying squish as you settle into it. You're lucky it's so comfortable, because the armchair was coated in copious amounts of superglue. You're not getting off it any time soon...

I wish I would stop waking up at 3 am every night.

Granted, you now never wake up before 11AM, regardless of when you go to bed, alarms, or loved ones trying frantically to shake you awake.

I wish for better luck in the game I'm playing.