Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. What you can't do now is to NOT have tea, since everybody is now violently force-fed tea at regular intervals by a malevolent race of space invaders called the Venus Tea Tyrants, who have come to Earth to thoroughly crush our spirits and prove their supremacy through the dialect of tea.

I wish we weren't all enslaved by yet another species of hostile alien beings (as if we didn't have enough with the Jupiter Moon Martians and the Space Egyptians already...)

Granted. Turns out that they are not aliens after all, they're just mole people in disguise and their spaceship was just a bunch of drones in a circus tent. Being enslaved by them still sucks.

I wish we all could have tea in peace and voluntarily.

Granted. Anyone can have tea peacefully and voluntarily as much as they want... as long as it is between the specific tea force-feeding time slots designated by the Tea Tyrants mole people.

I wish to send some tea back in time to Purple Ink, hopefully erasing the chain of events that led us to the current tea insanity.

Granted, a packet of tea is sent back to Purple Ink when she was young. She had never had tea before, but since some literally just appeared in her lap, she decided to try it, and found she really liked it. So she started drinking tea, eventually leading to the tea shortage that caused this whole situation. To make matters worse, the mole people use the chaotic temporal energy resulting from the bootstrap paradox we've created to power actual spaceships which they use to ascend to Venus and build their floating sky-fortresses there, thus becoming the Venusian Tea Tyrants they were formerly only disguised as.

As it happens, I ordered some new tea for myself a few days before Christmas, and then a friend gave me some as a present, so now I have a surfeit of tea (true story ). I wish that my box of 40 Marks and Spencer Christmas Spiced Tea Bags could somehow be used to save us all from the Venusian Tea Tyrants.

Granted. Turns out the spice in that special christmas tea is both addictive and deadly to Venusian Tea Tyrants so while they can't get enough of it, it also kills them after just a few cups. Because there is so much of them every single tea bag of that christmas tea is used against them and no one else can have it.

I wish for a fresh apricot.

Granted, you have a fresh apricot. Sadly, it came from a timehole created during a time paradox disruption used to transport tea. The apricot then poisons you with radiation.

I wish all clothing I tried on in my size fit me perfectly automatically.

Granted. Every time you try on clothes they fit. Any time you actually go to wear them makes them way too big.

I wish for some more snacks.

Granted, you have Cheez-Its, but you can't have your favorite energy beverages with it.

I wish Adderall worked on me instead of making me overly hyped.

Granted. It now only works for you, so everyone else stops buying it and the manufacturer discontinues it.


I wish for the rest of the manga series that a friend brought be volume one of for Christmas.

Granted. All your other beloved manga series magically turns into that series so you have nothing else.

I wish the replacement display for my phone finally arrived.

Granted! It comes more broken than your old one. They won't have any available until 2025 2026.

Granted, but it turns out replacing your fingers with tongues is really gross and you're not sure why you even wished for that.


I wish for a suitable number of great ideas for the D&D dungeon I'm planning.

Granted. One is a suitable number.

I wish my last wish hadn't accidentally been deleted.

Granted, but that forcibly ejects you into a different timeline in which Talps got a little too creative and corrupted your wish with significantly worse (and even more gross) results.

I wish the holidays would last for one more month...

Granted, a holiday month called Septebember is created. It takes place in between September 17th and September 18th. The month starts as a 3-day long excursion and one more day is added each year until it reaches 60 days, at which point days are subtracted every year down to 3 again. This holiday contains many new traditions, such as wearing fish-shaped purses. _{Thanks to my friend Minnow for the idea}

I wish people prioritized putting effort into their friendships over dating.