Could you do me a favour?

I would, but then everyone would find out I'm the hacker and I really can't risk that.... Wait, don't read what I just wrote here. Move along, nothing to see.....

Could you be so kind to create a fake incident to distract the police and investigators who're tracking the hack to my pc?

I would, but I'm too busy creating a real incident by stealing ketchup packets from all fast food restaurants in town, you see... so I'd need another incident to distract the police's attention from mine first.

Would you be so kind as to go on a journey around the world and gather all seven dragon balls for me? After all those years, I'm starting to think that the "Corrupt-a-wish" thread might not be the best way to get my wishes granted.

I would, but my pet dragon already found them and ate them for dinner. Sorry!

Do me a favour and set the world on fire.

I would, but when I tried to set the World wide web on fire last time, my plan stopped after my pc went up in flames.

Would you be so kind and a dinner for two for me for tomorrow?

I'm afraid I don't want to be eaten so I can't be a dinner for two for you tomorrow, though I can be kind.

I'd very much appreciate it if you could give me a lift to the airport tomorrow because Talps is goin' ta Peru!

Sorry, I can't. My last passenger was a serial killer and I was really lucky to escape him. I only lost my right hand and left eye.

Talps is goin' ta Peru!

Oh, lucky man!

Do me a favour and say Enjoy your meal!

Que tengas buen viaje, Talps!

Do me a favour and say Enjoy your meal!

I would, but I haven't eaten anything at all in two days, so I don't want to think of nor say anything related to food. Otherwise, I might drown in my own saliva.

Could you do me a favor and throw this bomb as far as you can before it explodes?

I would but I wouldn't be allowed to bring it into the airport.

Be a dear and translate what Veg just said to me. I could work it out by context or use Google but it'd be easier just to get one of you guys to do it for me.

I would do so myself, but that would defeat the purpose of me trying to teach you the language that will thwart evil (apparently) so that you can prepare yourself for your trip.

Would you be so kind as to make a new 300+ screens long level for the current Epic KS Level competition? I want to play new stuff, y'see.

I would, but I can't. You see... I made this level for the contest which, according to the level editor is 3572 screens, but unfortunately, I don't know how to do math, so its probably not 300+. Sorry...

Could you do me a favor and make a level for me, in my name, that has 3572 screens, so the above isn't a total lie? If possible finish it before the deadline of the Epic KS Level competition, so I can enter it.

I made a little more than I expected I would and ended up with ten thousand screens, sorry about that. Then I realized I didn't know your real name, so I couldn't name it anything, and I just deleted it. BRB emptying recycle bin

Could you help a brother out and find me some really cheap eclipse goggles?

I would, but when I read your name, somehow I read cantevenbebothered... So... I can't even be bothered to look.

Could you do me a favor, and change the trajectory of the eclipse so it goes over europe too and I can actually see it? Preferably change the time of day to a few hours earlier too.

I would, but I don't have any of those eclipse goggles, so I fear I may go blind while trying to do that.

Could you do me a favor and kick this vending machine repeatedly? The candy bar I wanted got stuck in the middle, and I'm way too immature to just settle for a different one.

I would, but I have no legs. You're very rude to say that!

Could you do me a favor and do something with my strange heartbeat? It's, uhm...weird.

I would, but I don't want to risk being sued for medical malpractice again... especially after I botched that last leg surgery.

Would anyone be so kind as to serve as a guinea pig for my mad scientist training? Don't worry, all the pills and potions I'll be testing on you will be strawberry flavored.