Could you do me a favour?

I would, but everytime I try to shed some light on the subject, it appears not to be dark energy. (see what I did there? )

Can you please explain me how quantum teleportation works?

Well that's neither here nor there.

Do me a favour and convince my boss to let me have Friday off this week. I just fancy an extra day off.

Well, I tried, but he says he doesn't have any employee named "Talps", which is very strange. I'm pretty sure you work there, because I've been stalking you since the day you didn't pick up the key.

Could you do me a favor and bring me all the mustard you can carry, without asking any questions?

I wish, but in the vietnam war, I lost both my hands and arms, so I can't carry any. I guess I am forfilling your question actually?

Can you please arrange for a vaccine that will stop illness once and for all?

I would, but then nobody would be able to call in sick at work anymore.

Could you do me a favor and violently destroy my inkjet printer? I hate that thing so much, always getting clogged or running out of ink...

I would, but I just already destroyed some inkjet printers in a mall and I have enough.

Could you do me a favor and make a photoshoot of me?

I would!  But I don't have a camera.

Could you do a photoshoot of me?

I would, but I'm so much into selfies that each time I attempt to make a photo of you, I end up making a photo of me trying to make a photo of you.

Could you do me a favor and do a photoshoot of me?

I would, but I'm tired of doing a photoshoot of each person I met here! Also my camera is almost broken right now.

Could you do me a favor and do a photoshoot of us all?

I would, but I'm all out of strawberries, and everybody knows you can't do a photoshoot without strawberries.

Be a dear and get me some strawberries? Nice ones, not tasteless supermarket winter strawberries, mind.

I would, but I'd have to go into the woods and wrestle a huge bear for them, so...

Could you do me a favor and wrestle the bear while I pick up the berries?

I'd love to, but that whole area is muddled with bear traps - I really don't want to step on one!

Perhaps you could disarm the bear traps while I wrestle the bear?

I would, but you must domesticate the bear for me instead of killing it. I want it as a pet.

Could you do me a favor and transport that tame bear into my home?

I'm afraid my bear transportation business has been boycotted by animal rites activists after an unfortunate incident involving a grizzly bear and a crate full of Rubix cubes.

Be a chum and convince those activists that no bears are harmed in the recovery of my Rubix cubes.

I would, but I am one of those activists, and it would be really weird if I stopped my colleagues.

Could you please not kill the bear and just build one from plastic and make it look realistic enough so CWolfie thinks its a real bear?