Does this look okay?

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Offline Nifflas

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Re: Does this look okay?
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2013, 05:01:44 »
Here's one more section

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Offline PONTO

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Re: Does this look okay?
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2013, 07:31:53 »
I would just add "...with the ball-bouncing mechanic from Within a Deep Forest."

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Offline SiamJai

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Re: Does this look okay?
« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2013, 09:35:51 »
That looks perfect to me with Ponto's addition.

For the previous one, a comma in the new part would make it much easier on the eyes:

"He lived three months in France as well, studying the language and exchanging ideas with French alchemists."

Re: Does this look okay?
« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2013, 10:42:11 »
For the previous one, a comma in the new part would make it much easier on the eyes:

"He lived three months in France as well, studying the language and exchanging ideas with French alchemists."

Or alternatively, "While living in France, he studied the language and exchanged ideas with French alchemists." If the amount of time he spent there isn't a major detail.