Stuck in an Elevator

Soo, this is a new forum game from the one and only Yukabacera. This one's got a backstory, even!

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You thought this was going to be another boring day. You were already late for work, and quickly ran into the already-crowded elevator. The doors closed, and a voice announced: "Now playing Segment 2 of The Greatest Elevator Music of ME Elevators. Enjoy your-your-your-your...". "Not again!", you said for yourself, because the audio wasn't the only thing that was stuck; the elevator was too.

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What an amazing backstory! It's worth all the five bucks, I'm telling you! Anyway, this is how you play it:

Jane Doe: I sit down, take a deck of playing cards out of my purse and start playing solitaire.

Anon Y. Mous: I steal Jane's cards, and eat them.

A.S.S.Y. : I punch Anon in the face, and rob him of all his belongings.

etc. etc. etc. Basically, you do something, and then another person does something. The next person can connect their action with yours; but that's not necessary, they can do something on their own.

Oh and, the elevator music still works. You can listen to all of it here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTdnW6rvGZg&feature=related

I'll change which segment plays whenever I post. So, without further ado, I'll start:

I punch the elevator doors, screaming "I hate you!" very loudly.

=|=

I punch Yukabacera, screaming "I hate you!" very loudly.

I set fire to some stuff to pass the time.

I use the fire jimj316 started to roast the T-bone steak that I'm always carrying as a good luck charm (it didn't work anyway, seeing that I'm stuck in an elevator with an arsonist).

I fill out jimj's library card like this:

NAME: JIMJ316
ADDRESS: 10 DOWNING STREET
AGE: 21
HOBBIES: MURDER, THEFT, ARSON

Then, I burn it.

A voice announces "Now playing Segment 1 of The Greatest Elevator Music of ME Elevators."

=|=

I space out listening to the elevator music and the steak turns to burnt charcoal. I eat it anyways. Now my mouth and my hands are all black and I look like an idiot. I wipe the black dust off my hands using someone's shirt and hope he won't notice.

I notice that someone has wiped black dust off their hands using my shirt.

I therefore take the only reasonable course of action:
I fill the lift cabin with rubber otters.

What?  Rubber otters!?  *tries to make a rubber otter ladder to reach the top of elevator*

I take the rubber otters, make a gun out of them, throw the gun at two people fighting, making the gun accidentally go off and shoot someone on the outside of the elevator. (Moar Phoenix Wright references yay!)

I notice the window had just been broken open, so I stick my head out to evade the music.

I start dancing one heck of a jig to the elevator music, demanding spare change from all of you.

The elevator music sends me to sleep. I fall down, roll over, and land upsidedown against a wall.

I give Mochaalatte $100.

I rip the buttons on my shirt and give them to Mochaalatte. Then, I climb the pile of rubber otters and start headbutting the ceiling, trying to escape the nightmare. Unfortunately, that burnt steak comes back with a vengeance and I start to feel nauseous. Suddenly, I projectile vomit and the momentum violently throws me back at the floor next to kaizoman, where I lie unconscious for a few minutes over a pool of my own vomit.

Meanwhile, some lunatic out of the elevator starts shouting "Edgewooorrrtthh!!!" and fire a pistol. The bullet enters the cabin, hits a rubber otter and ricochets into the lock of my business suitcase, which promptly opens. A small statue of "The Thinker" falls to the floor and its head breaks. It's filled with mustard.

I start fiddling with the music player:

"Now playing Pan-Pipe Renditions of Elton John's Greatest Hits."
*fiddle*
"Now playing Encouraging Announcements for People Stuck in the Elevator."
*fiddle*
"Now playing Collected German Folk Songs."
*fiddle*
"Now playing Fake Reasons why the Elevator won't Come."
*fiddle*
"Now playing Silence."

=|=

I take the rubber otters, make a gun out of them, throw the gun at two people fighting, making the gun accidentally go off and shoot someone on the outside of the elevator. (Moar Phoenix Wright references yay!)

The reference goes on. I, being shot, kill Pumpkinbot's father.