The Vending Machine

Out comes an Eastern Water Dragon Hatchling.

In goes an Ancient Albino Dark Dragon.

Out comes a note saying, "Quit putting dragons in the vending machine! -the Vending Machine Staff"

I insert the world's biggest cheese.

Out comes the world's smallest... you know...

In goes a note saying ''Why should i? -StraightFlame''

The vending machine prints out a detailed lawsuit form describing public property damage and animal abuse, among other things. There is a sticky note at the very top that says "We'll send a copy of this to the [name of court] Court if you don't stop. -J. Maddison, CEO". I don't think he's bluffing, either...

I put in a clean sock and a dirty sock.

Out comes a clean sock monster and a dirty sock monster.

I insert a human head.

A reddish substance oozes out of the machine, along with a partially crushed skull.

I put a 9-month-old cow in the vending machine.

Out comes a 10-month-old cow.

I put in a cake.

Out comes ice cream!

I put in an unused envelope.

Out comes a note that says nothing at all.

I put in a dragon, 'cause there's no way sending the lawsuit-thingamabob to the court from Capcom's Ace Attorney games (which is in Japan, and is fictional) can do me any harm.

Out comes 10 policemen that arrest you.

In goes ME, an ice cream cone, and a  face.

Out comes a chocolate-flavored ice-cream with the shape of a  .

In goes evidence that public property damage and animal abuse has nothing to do with this:
1. No structural damage to machine. Machine can contain monuments and stuff.
2. It doesn't harm the dragons, either.

Out comes a very convincing videotape of you beating up a baby dragon on their property, which you quickly realize is fake because you would never dare hurt a baby dragon! Or at least, you never have done that. Looks like they're not playing by the rules!

I put in a screwdriver.

Out comes screws and a driver. Whatever a 'driver' is.

In goes a note that says 'That thing is a fake! The fact that you filmed an employee who was beating a pinata, and then put my head on him, is way too obvious!'

Whatever a 'driver' is.

It's a kind of golf club.

Out comes a note saying "No wait, wrong tape." And a videotape that shows you forcing a dragon in the machine and then a Belgian monument.

In goes a note saying "How the heck do you guys fit in there?!"