Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Your luck is now unbelievably good, key word being "unbelievably". You are accused of having "Dream luck" and are barred from the community for your game for life. At least you still get to play the game, though.

I wish for the ability to "see" into the distant past using my mind without actually going there.

Granted. You have that ability every time you close your eyes but you only ever see some yet undiscovered cave that is completely cut off from outer world.

I wish my shoes were self cleaning.

Granted, but your socks are self-dirtying.

I wish the game I'm playing was kinder to its players.

Granted. It is now very kind to all players except you.

I wish for a nice night's sleep.

Granted but you have a weird dream that you kiss a guy you don't really like.

I wish everyone who needs Ozempic could get free Ozempic.

Granted, but it now causes the full list of side effects listed on its Wikipedia page to anyone who takes it.

I wish I didn't hate updating my CV.

Granted. You now love it but never have to do it again.

I wish I wasn't almost out of tea again.

Granted. You're entirely out of tea now.

I wish my back and shoulders weren't hurting.

Granted. You are transformed into a horseshoe crab. As an invertebrate, you no longer have a back or recognisable shoulders.

I wish it would stop being so cold.

Granted. It is now 1 Kelvin hotter for 1 zeptosecond before plunging down -1000 Kelvin.

I wish for luck for a friend (not related to the holiday lol).

Granted. You discover the ability to manipulate the "RNG" of real life to create favorable outcomes for your friend. At first, you are elated at this discovery, but you soon find yourself unable to resist the temptation to "optimize" every aspect of luck in your life, and become obsessively perfectionist about it. You soon find that there is very little whimsy left in life and yearn for the days when luck was still a mysterious factor.

I wish for a slow and gentle return to the Ice Age.

Granted. We're currently living in the Quaternary Ice Age (ice age being defined as a period when Earth has ice at its poles) so that was easy! Every day you wake up two days back in time (this could get really awkward if you wake up in bed with your past self so I'd suggest you find somewhere unoccupied to sleep). You aren't aging and any awful historical diseases and injuries you acquire, up to and including death, are healed when you wake up two days in the past. This will persist all the way back to the middle of the last glacial period - look at me being all spirit-of-law-not-word-of-law . Anyway, that'll be about 63,000 years, so have fun!


I wish someone (not me or anyone I know or care about, thanks) could start slipping backwards in time with Fubaka so he won't get lonely.