Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted, it is open every afternoon and evening now. However, there are lots of little kids there and they may have peed in the pool.

I wish Elon Musk would put RFK Jr. on his rocket and the rocket would go to the new Mars settlement and not come back.

Granted. He becomes the new Dark Emperor of Mars and from his Untouchable Mars Fortress he declares war on Earth.

(I had to look him up and I can't even...)


I wish Earth was better prepared to defend itself against Martian war.

Granted. All our defences now point upwards to the sky against coming attack from Mars. However there is no defence against mole people and they're definitely up to something.

I wish humanity was able to defend itself against Martians and mole people at once.

Congrats, a special new laser melting gun developed by the Chinese military attacks the Martians and mole people at once. Unfortunately it's then used to destroy endangered animals to get back at the Mongolian government. (Sorry)

I wish that the lizard people could also be defeated.

Granted. They were defeated with use of genetically engineered exploding meatflies. Too bad these meatflies started to reproduce in nature and now you can't go anywhere without getting exploding fly in your face.

I wish there were enough snow to go skiing on Saturday but not too much of it so I can travel by train without delays on Sunday.

Granted. You have a fall skiing and your legs are covered in painful bruises. The train is full of *shudder* teenagers and a bunch of drunk guys having a stag party.

I wish for the perfect idea for what to buy my brother in law for Christmas.

Granted. You have the perfect idea but no actual gift.

I wish I wasn't almost out of tea.

Granted. Every horozontal surface in your home is covered in loose tea leaves now so there's more than enough tea.

I wish I felt more inspired to both finish the little drawing of Juni I promised to Lucinda for her new level and to write short article on one rare plant I randomly stumbled upon at parking lot at work I promised to another friend.

Granted, however, your internet goes down for weeks, so even though you finish both projects, you are not able to send them to their recipients.

I wish I had used Lucinda's wish sending RFK Jr. to Mars to develop an origin story for the Jupiter Moon Martians.

Granted. That forum post is noticed by an author who uses it as an inspiration for their controversial sci fi book. The author mentions you in an interview and soon you are harrased by all five RFK jr. fans who think you insulted their brain worm riddled idol.

I wish I were better in wrapping presents.

Granted. You are now better at wrapping presents than me. Which means you still suck a lot.

I wish I they hadn't been out of tea at the shop yesterday.

you are harrased by all five RFK jr. fans

This made me laugh hard.

Granted, you got loads of tea! They put it all in a paper bag for you and as you were carrying it home, a massive storm rolled in. Your bag got soaked, collapsed, and all your tea fell out into a large puddle, which turned the puddle into weak, cold, gross tea.

I wish... you a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Granted but I'm really tired the whole time.

I wish this headache would go away.

Granted. Your headache literally walked away a bit. In fact it now walks on the opposite side of the street and screams at you and when you walk into any building it just bangs on windows and is acting really unpleasant in general because it's still personified headache. But at least your head no longer hurts you.

I wish Purple Ink finally got her tea.

Granted, Purple Ink gets her tea, but you get no tea (or coffee or your beverage of choice).

I wish we could all have tea.