Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted, two seats in front of you there is a screaming baby.

I wish I could have an excellent time when I go to the spa on Wednesday.

Granted! You have a really nice time when you go to the spa but when you're at the spa it kind of sucks.

I wish to stop sleeping so much.

Granted. Enjoy all the side effects of insomnia because now you can't sleep even if you want to.

I wish I were able to come up with better wish corruptions.

Granted, two seats in front of you there is a screaming baby.

Uncanny...


Granted. However, all of our wishes start coming true. As you deploy your incredible, subtle and inventive corruptions, you're inevitably bringing misfortune and misery upon the lives of your friends.

I wish Polana's incredible corruptions were less subtle so that the rest of us would notice that they're coming true and stop making wishes.

Granted. We all stop but because no one makes wishes the wish energy builds up and goes critical, resulting in a black hole that engulfs Earth.

I wish we could make wishes without worrying about wish energy.

Granted. We all become bunch of nihilists who don't care about anything and especially not about the black hole engulfing Earth because of wish energy.

I wish that the wish energy build up can be used  by mankind somehow so it won't go critical and form black hole.

Granted, wish energy can be used to generate electricity, making it a fantastic source of cheap, renewable energy. However, the world's oil companies deliberately supress the development of wish-energy based power technology in order to protect their vast fortunes, meaning that black hole is still building... (The energy can be used, but it isn't being used.)

I wish the world's oil tycoons would be less greedy and short-sighted.

Granted. They're slightly less greedy (but not enough to allow use of wish energy) and have perfect eyesight now.

I wish that oil tycoons and other people suppressing use of wish energy all had Christmas carol style epiphany and used their fortunes to support use of wish energy afterwards.

Granted, they have a beautiful epiphany and alternative energy sources such as electricity, hydropower and wish energy proliferate throughout Earth. Unfortunately, nothing is done about microplastics in the water.

I wish my landlady would hurry up and replace my dishwasher already.

Granted. The first time you try to use it you discover it's full of microplastic.

I wish I knew why I was feeling so anxious lately.

Granted. Climate change. Pollution. The threat of nuclear war. Other wars. The American election. Political corruption, malpractice and incompetence. The growing economic imbalance. Existential dread. Bad drivers. Forgetting where you put your shoes. Microplastics.

Take your pick.


I wish for everything to be ok in the end.

Granted. At the heat death of the universe everything will be okay.

I wish I hadn't cut my finger pretty badly.

("Bad drivers" made me think of computer drivers and that's funnier so I'm pretending that's what you meant  )

Granted. You cut your finger in a way that gave you cool looking scar and doesn't get in the way too much so you can say you cut your finger well.

I wish the fruit fly infestation at my office would go away.

(The worst thing is that I probably brought it on myself by buying cheap palm that had them in the soil so the office would feel more like forest.)

Granted. You drive out the fruit flies by hiring an army of AI-powered mutant robot bees. The bees successfully vanquish their fly enemies and all that they ask for in exchange is that you read their novel for them. It's really long and absolutely terrible.


I wish I was better at frying eggs.

Granted. You're better at frying eggs now but because of new strain of bird flu most domestic poultry (chicken, geese, ducks, quails and so on) get extinct over winter and eggs are now super expensive because only ostrich eggs are available so you have nothing to fry anyway.

I wish the indoor swimming pool at the town where I moved for work was opened to public more often than on weekends and two late evenings on weekdays.