Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted! Your classes are: Watching Paint Dry, Learning To Tolerate Grody Men Being Leches, and A Practical Study Of Awful Smells.

I wish I had bought a new wifi dongle for my PC months ago instead of putting up with the old one's nonsense until now.

Granted; the one you would buy few months ago would be defective and just as bad as the old one.

I wish I didn't drop the last pistachio I had and it didn't fall behind the wardrobe.

Granted, it fell into your mouth and then you choked for a bit but saved your own life by doing the Heimlich maneuver on yourself with a chair.

I wish my boyfriend would make me more food.

Granted, he will now make you scrambled eggs on toast whenever you want.

I wish to be able to find a backpack I really like available to buy.

Granted. You find a really nice backpack that has everything you need. It's even available to purchase! Costs 1000000000 €.

I wish I had more snacks.

Granted. You now have one more peanut, potato crisp, cookie or whatever you've been snacking on lately.

I wish trains run on time.

Granted: trains are now powered by time itself. They are, however, still often late.

I wish for a cool Halloween costume for the party my friend is hosting next month.

Granted. You have a nice ice cube costume.

I wish I didn't have to go out.

Granted. You don't have to go out but suddenly feel weird urge to go out anyway. But like you want to go.

I wish my job didn't require me to drive.

Granted, it instead requires you to hop everywhere.

I wish I hadn't forgotten about the plans I'd made for this evening.

Granted but you forget about all other plans for the rest of the year.

I wish it would stop getting dark so early.

Granted, the evenings are now lit with a giant floodlight in your neighborhood!

I wish my landlady answered her messages.

Granted, but she will now only communicate with you by screaming.

I wish for safe travels this month.

Granted. You get a little tank which is very safe to travel in but also very slow and uses up too much fuel.

I wish my left ankle and foot stopped hurting me.

Granted. Your left ankle and foot stop hurting you and instead start hurting everyone else. You lose all your friends due to your compulsively kicking them.

I wish to not end up sitting next to, behind, opposite or in front of anyone annoying on either of my flights tomorrow.