Corrupt-a-Wish

Ah, those lovely Indian hotels.

I wish all my ex-classmates came to today's meeting.

Granted. However, as you never specified what meeting, they go to the wrong meeting.

I wish that wish wasn't so easy to corrupt.

Granted. Any meeting is right if all my ex-classmates are there, so we can hang out. However, you are banned from the forum for not corrupting my wish properly.

I wish the alco-squirrel was the symbol of Sochi olimpics.

Granted. The games will be renamed Alco-olympics.

I wish he didn't commit suicide by shooting in the movie Cartouche.

Granted. He started working as an insurance agent instead.
I wish I had came with better corruption of CWolvie's wish.

Granted, you did come up with a better corruption, but it is against the forum rules, so you still can't use it.

I wish I had a higher level in GRiD 2 Multiplayer so I can buy better cars.

Granted, but soon after you reach that high level, the game discontinues all the cars you were going to buy, and replaces them with much crappier versions.

I wish I had a 3DS with the Legend of Zelda: Link Between Worlds game packed in.

You have it, but you drop it and it breaks.

I wish Chrysophylax hadn't posted the link to someone's D&D records on the last page, as it is now taking up all my time when I should be generating NPCs and so forth.

Granted. He linked to something much more interesting.

I wish Coffinshaker was a real name.

Granted. People with this name are predestined to the earlier death.

I wish people stopped post pornography clips on czshare. (it's disgusting when you're searching for a certain movie and you will find this as a result).

Granted. Angry at being banned from czshare, the porn-posters soon discover that it was your wish that deleted all their porn from czshare. In retaliation they hack this website to show an auto-playing video at the bottom of every page, entitled Mrs. Rosebottom and Her Interesting Encounter with the Shepherd and His Sheep. Three guesses what it's about.

I wish I did not type that whole title out  

Granted. Your post is not funny any more.
I wish I could stop thinking about that lady, shepherd, sheep and their interactions. 

Done, you gain the ability to stop thinking. However, as you have made yourself stop thinking, you can't make yourself start thinking again.

I wish I hadn't spent the entire week procrastinating.

Granted. You have done several interesting decisions...but all wrong.

I wish I was an actress.

Granted. You are considered the worst actress of all and only role you get is in sequel of Plan 9 from outer space.
I wish our dishwasher wasn't out of order.