Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. You are given a piece of land in the far far faaaaar (let me stress that: faaaaaaaaar) side of the world in a hot desert. There's no one there, but you, your hangar and an oil rig. You also have your skycat in the hangar, and if you fly back to the UK (which is very far away) you are provided to get free maintainance as a loyal customer. One thing though, there are some very high cactusses in that area of the desert, and the skycat does not like its needles... One of these days it'll go wrong... for sure...

I wish to own a guitar and wish to have the ability to play one.

Granted. You now own my old, almost broken guitar and YES, you can play it...badly...

I wish for a healthier life.

Wish granted. You now possess a brand new, illness-free Life. A Second one, in fact. Come the singularity, you upload. Unfortunately, the AI that runs your virtual paradise was made by Microsoft, and your bliss is occasionally interrupted by severe lag and popups that fill your whole visual field.

I wish for the wish after the wish that follows this one to corrupt both this wish and the wish that follows this one.

On second thought, I wish to be able to sing beautifully.

I wish for a healthier life.

Amen, brother!

LPChip, how do you know which country I live in? magic admin powers and inference from my IP address?

Granted. You are now able to sing a B flat beautifully. The rest is still crap though, but that one B flat, you nail it perfectly and everyone is in awe when you sing it.

I wish I owned a big piece of land where I have everything to say and no one will come there unless I allow it.


@Chrysophylax: I don't know where you live. I could've looked it up but I didn't do that either. I did look what the SkyCat is because I never had heard of, and I saw that it is mainly manufactured in the UK. My reference to you fly back there was ment for the skycat.

Granted. You now own a large piece of land that the UN recognises as a sovereign state ruled by you. Unfortunately it's under the antarctic ice cap.

Granted, but your piece of land i infested with snakes, so nobody wants to come onto your land anyway.

I wish that I was falcon which no man could shoot.

Granted. The next time you land, you get stabbed to death.

I wish for a Tablecat, free maintenance and fueling for my Tablecat, and somewhere to store it. I plan to use it as a mobile home.

You own Tablecat; you have free Tablecat food and a free Tablecat vet. You can use your Tablecat to send messages. Oh, how blissful and happy you are with your wonderful new Tablecat! Unfortunately, Tablecat doesn't like being owned by you. Being your message-delivering slave and eating your rubbish free Tablecat food makes Tablecat angry. One night, as you sleep, Tablecat comes into your room with a big wooden plank... with a nail in it...

Tablecat has no master now.



I wish everybody on Earth could live long and happy lives, for ever and ever and ever.

Granted. Everyone now has a really really long lifespan. This includes the lives of animals, insects etc... But they still keep getting offspring. As a result earth gets really crowded. That causes for traffic jams, homes becoming smaller and smaller with more people living in them. As a result there is no place you can go and be alone anymore.


I wish the temperature outside was always a nice 24 degrees celcius.

Granted. The temperature outside is 24 degrees Celsius. All of the ice around the world melts and causes disastrous flooding. Most of the coastline of Sweden is flooded--including Umeå. Nifflas drowns in his own home.

I wish that I owned a straight flame.

You own StraightFlame; you have free StraightFlame food and a free StraightFlame vet (for whatever reason a vet). You can use your StraightFlame to send messages. Oh, how blissful and happy you are with your wonderful new StraightFlame! Unfortunately, StraightFlame doesn't like being owned by you. Being your message-delivering slave and eating your rubbish free StraightFlame food makes StraightFlame angry. One night, as you sleep, StraightFlame comes into your room with a big wooden plank... with a nail in it...

StraightFlame has no master now.

I wish they'd do the "Indestructible Nokia 3310" meme with the GameBoy instead.

They do. The meme becomes ubiquitous on the internet, and it NEVER DIES. It's incredibly irritating and everyone you know knows that it's your fault.

I wish that Tablecat hadn't killed StraightFlame.

Granted. Post #1628 Tablecat (going by the replies to the Corrupt-a-Wish thread) never killed post #1627 StraightFlame, as a result of post #1633 StraightFlame warping the reality in post #1627 and #1628, as post #1632 Chrysophylax requested. However, post #1631 StraightFlame still kills post #1630 Tablecat. Post #1630 Tablecat (despite being dead) thinks post #1632 Chrysophylax doesn't care about the Tablecats and only likes the StraightFlames, so he gets all Tablecats across the Nifforum to work on a sword, the Table Poem, that's made of reinforced limericks and haikus and sharpened to a single atom. Post #1630 Tablecat then uses its forum-transgressing powers to give it to real life Tablecat, so he can kill real life Chrysophylax. Before this happens, the StraightFlames notice that the Tablecats are up to something, and try to protect real-life Chrysophylax from the Tablecat army, resulting in the Thirty-Year Tablecat War which completely distorts the Nifforum to the point where nobody can use it. Meanwhile, lpchip.nl opens a rift in the fabric of reality which spews evil cats and tables, which kill everyone including you.

(This post was brought to you by Andrew Hussie.)

I wish pre-2012 StraightFlame would stop posting those cringe-worthy things he posts.

Old Straight-Flame didn't make those embarrassing posts. Due to this you never learnt how to post well and therefore you're making all those embarrassing posts now. As a result, no one likes you and you're no longer have any stars and therefore haven't been able to contribute to Egomassive's level which means it never gets finished and Egomassive goes on a furious rampage as his achievement goes unmarked and he causes a zombie apocalypse somehow.

I wish I was more prepared for surviving the zombie apocalypse.

Granted. You are now ideally situated to survive the zombie apocalypse. You're Patient Zero. You aren't dead, you're undead, and thus technically you survived.

(Fortunately you survived as a thinking being, too. You love your life as an intelligent undead: you work as a farmer, breeding more brains for the horde. You produce only the finest PhD-holding, free range, environmentally friendly brains, each carefully tended and matured for at least twenty-five years, and look down on the zombies who breed politicians for the mass market. Your finest products, each carefully sculpted to the requirements of a specific customer, sell for vast sums and some are counted among the finest works of art of the new era. With demand for your luxury goods soaring, you pass on day-to-day management of your farm and dedicate yourself to your art, studying neurosurgery and cognitive psychology. Your greatest triumph, the first artificial mind of human intelligence, wins you a Nobel, but it is Solipsism, a brain with five nested five layers, each denying the existence of the ones above, that marks the peak of your artistic career. Rich, polished and internationally known, you are one of the most eligible bachelors in the elevated circles in which you move. You marry for love and fail-to-die happily ever after.)


Ah, that was refreshing! (Eleven lines to eight, StraightFlame. Your move.) I wish for the legal right to throw wet sponges at politicians whenever I feel like it.