Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. There are some policemen, who want to talk about it with you, because they think you've stolen it.
I wish for not having to take any exams at university, but still continue in my studies.

Granted. You quit school, and do online research about the topics you were studying. Unfortunately, that does mean you won't get a diploma so its kinda useless because it won't allow you to find a job for the lack of diploma.

I wish to have a machine that can create me any object in the world after I select that object from a catalog. Out of safety, the catalog will not include any objects that can kill anyone (me included) or otherwise do harm. So no weapons, but no kitchen knifes either.
So don't say it created something I did not select, but try to find another creative way to make this one blow up in my face. I can think of a way, so you should be able to do so too.

Granted, but it turns out nearly everything in the can do some harm if improperly used, so the only object you're allowed to create are super-safety scissors and cotton swabs. And eventually even those are taken away.

I wish I could go out for lunch today.

Granted. You receive lunch...with rotten rats in it but you don't know it.

I wish my hair could be blond again.

Granted, but someone who discriminates against blond people stabs you with a knife. In the face.

I wish physics worked like how they do in a Mario game.

Granted. You want to kiss a nice girl, but since you did not hit her on the head, you die instead of her.

I wish I could transform into a bird and fly away.

Granted. Now you have a bird brain, birds have tiny brains (my fist idea was turning you into a female duck during mating season but that was too horrible (ducks are rapists)) .

I wish my super power wasn't exploding peoples heads with my mind.

Granted. You can explode their hearts instead.
I wish to find flowering Lilium martagon.

Granted, but because of some strange radiation, the flower becomes man-eating and eats you.

I wish I had a boxer (dog).

Granted. The dog turns out to be a hell hound. The hell hound imprisons you in you house and torments you until you go completely insane, it then eats your soul, possesses your body and becomes the anti-Christ  bringing on the end of the world.

I wish for some cool sun glasses.

Granted. You get glasses which have suns where the lenses should be.

I wish there was a thread on raocow's talkhaus i could actually post a meaningful reply on.

First of, very nice corruption.

Granted. This talk sparks an insane creative thought. You get so over-excited that you start to type your post. The material is very good and inspiring. So inspiring that you keep typing and keep typing. Your post gets bigger and bigger by the minute. After about 35 minutes of typing you finally finished your post. You feel drained but accomplished at the same time, cus damn, you explained some new theories here. When you press the submit button, you get an error that your post is too long. Characters allowed: 10,000, you used 53,253,542. When you try to copy the text, your computer crashed and all is lost.

I wish it was not clouded outside and the temperature was around 25 degrees celsius.

Granted. But there is horribly strong wind that blows everything.
I wish for chocolate with marzipan inside.

First of, very nice corruption.

Well, he asked for "sun glasses" (separate words). Couldn't let that opportunity be taken by someone else.

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Anyways, granted. Clouds no longer exist. All usable water is gone, and everyone dies. Also, it's now 25 degrees on the south pole.

Okay then. Granted, but you randomly turn into a dog for no reason other than the genie hates you.
(In case you don't know, eating chocolate gives dogs serious problems.)

I wish i could stop thinking about the inevitability and eternity of death.

Granted: you are turned into a vegitable so you no longer think at all. A bunch of goblins then eat you and someone yells: "They're eating him! And then they're going to eat me! Oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooood!"

I wish I could watch the world burn.