Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. You come up with an epically awesome incorruptible wish but you only had the one wish and you wasted it.

I wish I new were to find a massive treasure.

Granted. Instead of knowing where to find a massive treasure, you are new together with someone else to find a massive treasure. Unfortunately, you never found it. The other person is also to become your earth nemesis.

I wish to have a street named after me that becomes popular for positive reasons.

OFFTOPIC:

earth nemesis

I think you forgot how to language. If you meant arch-nemesis, that doesn't even make sense in Dutch because it's "aartsvijand"

Granted, but as time goes by, the street is slowly forgotten.

I wish for the good-paid job.

Granted.  You found a good job, and you certainly paid a lot to get into it.   

I wish for the world to be my oyster.

Granted. The world is now an oyster. It is harvested and eaten.

I wish for quarters, million allowances of quarters. I have laundry to do.

Granted. You are buried under tons of quarters and you can't breathe any more.
I wish for apricot jam.

Granted. There's a big pile of apricot jam in your bed. Its not in a container though, so its pretty useless and your bed now is sticky too...

I wish for a snooker table with snooker balls and cues etc.

Granted, sorta; the magical wish-granting genies have never heard of snooker before, so they give you a pool table with all the fixings instead. And everyone around you would rather play billiards.

I wish I had a Thai iced tea right now.

Granted, but when it poofs in your hand, you are startled and end up spilling it on the carpet.   

I wish flowers would grow instantaneously wherever I step.

Granted. Every step you take plants will rapidly sprout from around your feet. Flowers, grass and vines, vines that rapidly up and around you legs.  The vines grow so rapidly that within a second they tie you to the ground making you unable to escape; they continue to grow around your body until you are tightly wrapped in thick vines. You are unable to move, see or cry out as they become tighter and tighter, they squeeze the life out of you.

I wish for a loyal robot buddy that will never turn against me or humanity.

Granted. Your robot buddy turns to you and hugs you. It loves you so much that it never lets go, despite your increasingly breathless commands.

I wish for someone else to make a wish I don't feel like it.

Granted, but said wish is rubbish.

I wish for two dollars.   

Granted. you get 2 Zimbabwean dollars.

I wish I could get my 2 cents back.

Granted. Because those 2 cents were a penny for your thought, I take back all your thoughts too. So you have 2 cents, but you have no idea why you got them, what you can do with them. In fact, you now know so little that you are being called a plant (brain dead).

I wish I could write an object on a piece of paper, and the next day, a mail delivery dude delivers me that item without me paying for it.