Corrupt-a-Wish

I wish that SF free orb stand were a free laser guns stand.

Granted, but they all fire randomly whenever you approach.

I wish for a free laser gun.

Granted, but you turn out to be an online game character called Claude. As there is no way of saying 'Aim away from yourself', you purposefully kill yourself... Attachment tells ya what Claude is like.

I wish Claude didn't sue me for some no reason. (Is that possible when he's dead?)

Granted, I sue you for no some reason.

I wish to have some sunglasses

Granted, but when you put them on, you seem like you're coming from the same family as Cletus (yep, another character from the same game). But to make it more awesome, you cannot see anything with those sunglasses, and have the same fate as the real Cletus (= Falling on a porcupine, and being cured by an amateur surgeon who has only a pizza cutter and a stapler).
P.S. Once again, i posted an attachment that tells you what the NEW you is like.

I wish PP (aka Claude) and Firecat (aka Cletus II) were both alive and completely healthy.

Granted, but Claude sues you and Cletus throws a recently deceased hedgehog at you.

I wish I was less of a procrastinator.

Granted, but Claude sues you and Cletus throws a recently deceased hedgehog at you.

I wish I was less of a procrastinator.

Granted. You are more of a procrastinator.
I wish my heightmap for my Sims 3 world was awesmoe.

Yep, too awesmoe to be able to view on your PC! In fact, it is too awesmoe to even be able to view on Deep Blue II! And DBII is, like, just as awesmoe as your heightmap!

I wish i could understand the phone call rules at Mafia 9.

Granted, but your head asplode because logic contradicts it.

I wish logic didn't contradict the phone calls in Mafia.

Granted, but your head asplode because logic contradicts it.

I wish logic didn't contradict the phone calls in Mafia.

Granted. Instead, LPChip contradicts the phone calls in Mafia. He bans everyone having to do with the phones.
I wish LPChip wouldn't hurt me for making that comment.

Granted, he kills you instead.
I wish Pumpkinbot wasn't dead.

Granted, LPChip killed you instead.

I wish no one was dead.

Granted, this includes dead people from past. And they return in the form of zombies. ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!1!!ONE!! .

I wish i dint make a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!!1!!ONE!!.

Granted. You just make a normal APOCALYPSE!!!1!!ONE!!

I wish I could control probability.

Granted. If by 'control probability' you mean 'multiply your own ugliness' that is.

I wish the next poster would make a wish.

Granted, i wish StraightFlame would make a wish.So your statement repeats itself in a paradox.

I wish i dont were the moon.