Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted, but your punished for that wish.

I wish for no wish.

Granted, but that IS a wish.

I wish for a atomic bar that turns me into a mutant.

Granted. You eat it, turn mutand, and realize it was a gold bar worth millions of storerooms of €500 bills.

I wish i had a better computer than this everything-downgraded-to-nothing piece of cr-- uh, i mean scrap!

Granted, but the computer has a virus that destroys your WINDOWS folder every single time you make a folder like that.

I wish for a wish that can't be corrupted.

Granted, but the uncorruptable wish can only be granted on planet Emosewasiemalfthgiarts, and the atmosphere on that planet is so... not-atmosph... Your head'll explode on that planet. That's all you need to know.
(Fun fact: Try reading the planet's name backwards and you'll get another piece of wisdom from Belgium)

I wish i had a jksernhaethklnjeatklhnskldtjnhklsernhkjnstrkjnhk.

Granted, but it turns into an alien and attacks you.

I wish I could be the Orb from Capture the Orb.

Granted, but i liked being the orb. So i use my SingingSurgeric magical powers to undo the wish.

Granted. However, it's locked and you don't know the password.

I wish Valve would announce a Left 4 Dead 3.

Granted. Valve says the name of said game. Not that the game exists or will exist soon.

I wish i was rich.

Granted. You are now rich-in-protein cereal.

I wish for a computer.

Granted, you now have an outdated computer with broken outlets so you can't plug in things like a mouse or keyboard or internet.

I wish for some Ritz.

Granted. You get giant crackers in a mile-wide box.

I wish for pizza.

Granted, you are now holding a freshly scorched pizza, cooked baked at a warm 1,000°.

I wish for some new shoes.

Granted. They stomp on you

I wish for an internet.  I
                                    V

<a href='http://internetometer.com/give/14080'><img src='http://internetometer.com/image/14080.png'/></a>

Granted, you have two internets, but because is not possible two be two internets in the same univerese the universe collapses.

(And you fail at forum tags forever)

I wish that i had a Nintendo DS