Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. But nothing you and the people that help you come up with is as glorious as the French trebouchet and pile of manure system and people prefer to walk anyway as it's way less dangerous.

I wish that big bird from A Strange dream was real so it can be used in the catapult and haystack system somehow.

Granted. However, it will only work if paid in kidnapped infants.

I wish I didn't have to go to court to deal with that kidnapped infant scandal that I definitely had nothing to do with and you can't prove otherwise and I've never seen this bird before in my life your honour!

Granted. You don't, but that sheep clone of you from a while ago does on your behalf. And since nobody can tell it apart from you, it absolutely ruins your reputation!

I wish there were an abysmal Saturday morning cartoon starring all the different balls from WaDF. And I mean absolutely abysmal. Cheesy parody episodes, low-budget animation, obnoxious theme song, exaggerated character archetypes, all that juicy stuff.

Granted. The show is so unbelievably abysmal that people actually get sick watching it and is therefore declared a health hazard, with everything related to WaDF being outlawed out of fear.

I wish politicians would get instant, explosive diarrhea the moment they lie.

Granted. Five minutes later everyone on Earth drowns in crap. The layer of it is so thick it reaches outer space actually.

I wish I and my family got to have barbecue party before our neighbours come back home from vacation.

Granted. When they come home, your neighbours are super friendly and invite you over to a barbeque. You feel slightly guilty.

I wish to have one of those snap bracelets that were popular in the 90s. A cool one. With dragons on it.

Granted. In your living room, there's now a cool snap bracelet, and several dragons resting on top of it. They're very protective of it.

I wish KS would let you have vertical screens, i.e. 25 tiles high and 10 tiles wide.

Six ways to Sunday is too few. I wish there were seven ways to Sunday.

Granted. The ways to get to Sunday are as follows.
1. Begin at Monday. Advance six days. Stop.
2. Begin at Tuesday. Advance five days. Stop.
3. Begin at Wednesday. Advance four days. Stop.
4. Begin at Thursday. Advance three days. Stop.
5. Begin at Friday. Advance two days. Stop.
6. Begin at Saturday. Advance one day. Stop.
7. Begin at Uranuday. Advance n^p/r² days. Incandesce.


I wish for an easy way to break into the secret days Uranuday and Neptunday, and also that Plutday was still a thing.

Granted. These secret days can be accesed by performing simple magic ritual that requires human heart just cut out of someone's chest and a foot of dodo. You can reuse the foot though. Plutday is a thing only if you accept Ceresday, Erinday and dozen other dwarf days which makes huge mess because for some reason they don't count as normal full days.

I wish there were ripe tomatoes in my garden already.

Granted. A star begins emitting a weird radiation that causes the tomatoes in your garden to ripe at a rate x10000 faster than normal, so fast they all quickly overripe and rot. The radiation also causes them to become sentient, grumpy, and to start spewing dumb dialogue for some reason.

I wish someone would put a stop to the evil? deeds of Polana's rotten, sentient tomatoes.

Granted! It involves me trashing the Tomatoes series by introducing Tomatoes Gaiden Gaiden, the gag-a-day comic strip featuring Juni and the Rotten Tomato in a cartoonish rivalry, with the jokes rivaling Garfield in blandness. As expected this causes all of the rotten tomatoes to feel ashamed by association and decide to live remote lives. Unfortunately, this also causes Juni to feel ashamed by association and decide to live a remote life, thus permanently halting all Knytt Stories levels until someone can come up with an awesome enough OC to replace Juni.

I wish someone came up with an awesome enough OC to replace Juni.

Granted. The Mario rip off character that was made years ago by Toenail gets so popular Nintendo somehow sues KS and all levels using that character are lost because of it.

I wish that the replacement character was both awesome and original.

Granted, The new character is so awesome that millions of people start playing. Nifflas sells KS to a triple A games publisher for a sizable fortune. The new owner shuts down the original game and bans its distribution online. They soon release a sequel; it costs $70.99, is released in early access and is a live service game. New tilesets, music tracks, ambiences and custom objects can only be won in lootboxes. Any fan-made resources have to be submitted through the official community hub from where they can wind up being added as lootbox rewards (the submitters of these are paid paltry sums). Custom characters also have to be won - including Juni and the new character, who are ultra-rare lootbox rewards.

I wish Soulsborne hadn't now become the template for such a huge proportion of new action games.

Granted. Instead, the big template is a shovelware rail shooter WiiWare game that only has one target on-screen at a time. This becomes a sort of meta-genre like "walking simulators" where the point of the game is less about the gameplay and more about the story and the experience you have playing it. Anyway, big game companies use AI to pump out largely identical versions of these games with only the graphics and dialogue changed, and the next generation of gamers has no idea there are other genres since this is the only comercially viable genre and indie games are outlawed by death penalty.

I wish The Sean Atkins Experience - Hookers & Gin were a real song from 1957 and not just a bit Portishead made up so they could pretend to be sampling it.