Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. You write a truly marvelous corruption that takes "walls" to symbolize the barriers we put up between one another, "ceiling" as the protection this happens to provide, and creatures climbing on walls and ceilings to symbolize radical social thinkers who are otherized and held as pariahs for shamelessly exploring the effects of such a societal pattern. You then get sidetracked by this and attempt to write the next Great American Novel, even though you're not American, and by the time you're finished with your rough draft of the fifth chapter, you check Nifforum and see that I've posted some dumb corruption about pellet-shooting machines and then wished for bugs. In spite, you add a one-paragraph chapter where the main character squishes a beetle, which unfortunately breaks the flow of the story completely but leaves the book feeling incomplete without it. After some thinking of how to proceed, you decide to retool the book as a slice-of-life manga about a dog made of pancakes on a starship with his friends who are anthropomorphic cicadas, but it doesn't have quite the same charm.

I wish the Disorder, from Knytt Underground, was real, and you could fast travel with easily attainable crystals.

Granted. But it works and looks like the one in certain april fools level so the music and the weird colours give terrible headache to anyone who attempts to use it.

I wish for a new wardrobe that would fit into my bedroom.

Granted; you have a new doll's house wardrobe.

I wish I could, at will, transform into a bird (let's say, a kestrel) and, at will, transform back into myself, with no annoying loopholes like restricted duration, limited uses, or arbitrary delays. Mostly, I figure it'd be more fun and less frustrating than getting the train to work.

Granted. One day, you get a little distracted and forget you're a human. Not like "beware the curse: if you stay in your animal form too long you forget you were ever human!" or "if you're morphed for more than 48 hours you stay in that form FOREVER!"; your brain still fully operates to its previous extent, and your lifespan isn't any shorter, you just got really sidetracked on the whole being a bird thing. By the time you realize you didn't always used to peck at the keyboard, you feel a bit awkward and decide to keep trudging on as a bird, particularly to avoid the much more awkward "so actually I was a bird for 3 weeks" conversation.

I wish KS would still be alive in 15 more years. I mean, it will, just, like, guarantee it will be.

Granted. 'Knytt Stories' will be the last computer game allowed by our Computer Overlords, to mock us for our attempts to turn off The Machine.

I wish for all of my game reviews on Steam to be as popular as the review I wrote for Stardew Valley (and it shouldn't be too much to ask, since I've only reviewed about six games).

Granted. None of them is as funny and apt as the Stardew valley one. Some of them are in fact popular because of how bad and out of touch they are.

I wish I was able to finish any KS level, no matter how hard, without cheating.

Granted! Whenever you're making a KS level, you can now immediately finish it at any time by slapping down win objects and a cutscene that says "Good job! You won the levle! Thakns for play!" Of course, you could do that already, but now it's become especially clear.

^{Also, how do you "cheat" on making a level? Do you just copy and paste screens from a better level? Could Get Focus and Trail have had screens from Dragon's Myth inconspicuously included this entire time?}

I wish there was a new KS level every day.

Granted. There is a new KS level released every day. They are even playable! They have custom graphics and music and incredible stories. You're the one making them so you never actually have time to do anything else, being so dedicated to your craft. You live in a hell of your own making.

I wish I was more motived to work on TToL.

Granted but, in an unexpected crossover with a plot thread in 'Could you do me a Favour' that I'd forgotten about until you revived the topic this morning, you have been replaced with a clone of yourself created by Polana using DNA from Dolly the Sheep. You now have hooves for hands, making it very difficult to use a mouse or keyboard and, by extension, to take advantage of your newfound motivation. Oh, and you're slowly turning into an actual sheep. May have buried the lead there. Sorry.


I wish I had motivation to work on my KS level.

Granted. Say hello to the Motivator 3000 HD XP 3D, robot that will motivate you to work on your KS level with his state of art collection of whips and scourges.


I wish I had more efficient fruit dehydrator.

Granted.
Your fruit dehydrator is so efficient it dehydrates all fruit in the world.
I wish for a nickel.

Granted; the nickel is somewhere in your home. It could be anywhere, from inside a pocket in a random item of clothing, to taped to the inside of one of your machines, to inside a cavity in your walls.

I wish my work wasn't trying to make me move to a different desk. I like my desk.

Granted. They fire you. At least now you won't have to move to a different desk since you don't need a desk at all.

I wish I could sleep.

Granted. You have an excellent night's sleep, but you have one of those dreams where you have an amazing and fully-fleshed out idea which might just be the best idea you've ever had, which inevitably dissipates into frustrating and incomprehensible intangibility on waking.

I wish i didn't drink so much coffee

Granted. You stop drinking coffee entirely. But your withdrawal headache never goes away.

I wish I hadn't screwed up catastrophically in a game I've been recently, and then hadn't overwritten my only recent save before realising.