Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Now when you die in a video game, instead of getting frustrated, you get happier! Your all-time favorite KS level is now Juni Runs Into An Unavoidable Laser Simulator 2022.

I wish Knytt Stories EX had a wiki, or a reference manual, or both.

Granted, but it's handwritten with bad grammar and a lot of inside jokes, and there's Ambi22 playing in the background forever.
It's secrit Knytt Storie Exetned manuall! YAY!

I wish I had already fixed my sleep schedule. 

Granted. You'll find out that you sleep best when there's running lawnmower just outside your bedroom. You finally sleep well, but noone else in the house does.

I wish that anonymous author would finally use their undisputable level making skills to make some genuinely funny level.

Granted, but it's just a Knytt Stories adaptation of a Monty Python sketch. That would still be pretty good, though, so... uh... in addition to that, you are now a giant moth.

I wish moths could use keyboards.

Granted, the internet is soon flooded by messages about how great lightbulbs are.

I wish moths weren't attracted to artificial lights; we're just getting to the part of the year where that gets annoying.

Granted, they are attracted to smell of humans instead.

I wish I had any idea for what to make for dinner today.

Granted; you have an idea, but it's moths.

I wish Polana could make a totally delicious dinner out of moths.

Granted, but she's accused of cannibalism.

I wish Egomassive came back.
(Because there's no way moths can possibly hinder his return!)

Granted, but he's partially moth-eaten now so his ego is less massive.

I wish I wasn't giant moth anymore.

Granted; you metamorphose backwards and are now a giant caterpillar.

I wish Polana wasn't any kind of insect.

Granted. Moths are no longer classified as insects.

I wish it were public knowledge that "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" is as arbitrary as "The Very Hungry Maggot" when our personal whims and annoyances are removed.

Granted. Now this fact is discussed at every school in the US in the English literature lessons along with Moby dick and Mockingbird and IDK what else, but it still remains mostly unknown in the rest of the world.

I wish I haven't broken my phone again.

Granted. You instead upgraded your phone into a superintelligence that nearly took over the world, until it started vibrating on a sloped table and fell down and broke.

I wish xkcd comics were all in full color.

Granted, but they colorize themselves with a pirated copy of Photoshop, and the author has nightmares about Adobe suing him for the rest of his life.

I wish I was faster at making templates.

Granted. You make templates expertly and quickly for 1. giant luxury cruise ships that you will never be aboard, 2. toothpick boxes, and 3. erotic sci-fi novelettes based on franchises that large corporations who commissioned you are about to lose the rights to. (You will never see To Kill a Mockingbird the same way again.)

I wish youth culture didn't kill my dog.