Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted, but as an unexpected side effect, Earth is destroyed 21 billion years earlier so she can finally buy herself some beer without the Sun's assistance and that definitely makes perfect sense.

I wish the Moon sacrificed herself to save Earth.

Granted. The moon manipulates its entire atmosphere to become a suitable habitat for life, nudges a bunch of compounds together until life actually occurs, waits a fair while for a species to evolve to the point of intelligence and self-awareness, waits for it to evolve even more to the point where they don't have the Moon equivalent of Twitter threads starting with "I was thinking about why so many in the radical left participate in 'speedrunning'", then starts inscribing on a bunch of its natural landmarks and tells the species they need to sacrifice themselves and the Moon in order to save the Earth, or else they get earthquakes (...moonquakes) to the face. The moon's species then does some fancy jigs in front of a Satanic altar and the Moon explodes, but the Earth is magically left permanently habitable and immune to any sort of harm. Of course, humanity wipes itself out via nuclear war anyway, but the Earth itself recovers fairly quickly.

I wish the Earth were destroyed 36 billion years earlier.

Granted; in 7.5 billion years' time, at the very nanosecond the Earth is destroyed, it is blasted through a wormhole by the Jupiter Moon Martians (who have now subjugated all other life in the Milky Way, having finally won their billions-of-years-long war with the Space Egyptians, but who are now losing a bloody war of attrition with the Nameless, a terrifying Lovecraftian race of soulless nightmare creatures from the Andromeda Galaxy which merged with the Milky Way 1.5 billion years ago); the wormhole sends the rapidly disintegrating planet back 22 billion years before the universe existed, where is promptly dissolves into cosmic dust.

The Jupiter Moon Martians obviously did this in a bid to alter cosmic history and change the evolution of the universe so that the Nameless would, in fact, have a name, and could therefore be able to be vanquished and subjugated via Truename magic, the most devastating, apocalyptic weapon in the Jupiter Moon Martians' roster of devastating apocalyptic weapons, with which they held the Milky Way enthralled to their iron will for billions of years. Tragically, due to one of their Hyper-Mathematicians having forgotten to carry a one when planning this, the Earth's arrival in the pre-universe disrupts things too much, and in fact prevents the Big Bang from happening, meaning the universe never exists, and as a result, neither does anything else.


I wish for a new universe.

Granted, but it's actually a rip-off of the previous one due to a reincarnation factor that lacks a proper ruleset and ends up ruining everything and getting locked by LPChip.
The Jupiter Moon Martians are now the Zeus Moon Italians cause Jupiter "reincarnated" to Zeus and I have no idea what Italians have to do with it. The Space Egyptians become the Canadian Spartans. While the Nameless only get their bodies reincarnated cause they are soulless and they all turn into a single terrifying being called Mr. Eldritch, who has someone else's brain, nobody knows whose brain exactly.
Despite their names, the Canadian Spartans are actually harmless peasants and end up fighting no one while cultivating red spherical fruits called reds, fishing white striped red and blue sharks called pepsodons and negotiating with the Nearest Neighbor, a pixelated allied peasant of an unknown upscaled race.
Mr. Eldritch is a very vengeful being but he has no people to punish cause he's stuck on a flat 10 meters wide lifeless "planet" and can't do anything about it, besides playing an ancient metroidvania on an old terran computer that got reincarnated among other things.
Well, what about the Zeus Moon Italians then?
Turns out, when the wish was...

Granted, as an unexpected side effect, half of Zeus' moons are destroyed 2 billion years earlier. That makes the Zeus Moon Italians extremely pissed for non-existing and that causes a paradox, and as an unexpected side effect, several other moons are destroyed.

I wish a well-made Lovecraftian [KS+] [Challenge/Scenic] [Hard] [Large] Mr. Eldritch would come out.

Granted, but it's written and illustrated by the guy who draws Ziggy. So it sucks, despite the wish requesting it be well-made. This causes a paradox that results in Gustav's ice cream store going out of business.

I wish Mr. Eldritch did not become so infuriated at the prospect of being locked up with Juni for all eternity that he figured out how to make the level-maker include a mind virus that projected his consciousness into the minds of every person who read the first 3 lines of the World.ini, whereupon he, newly empowered in his terrestrial vessels several billion years earlier in an alternate dimension, proceeded to spread it much more directly to anyone not paying careful attention to avoid reading it, causing an apocalyptic scenario as soon as he overtook the vessels in charge of quietly upkeeping all social media platforms and several internet service providers, with humanity's only hope yet being a select few on a private IRC server versed enough in the notion of multiple entities existing in one mind as to be able to free the original controllers of the vessels from Mr. Eldritch's vile grasp, who, now strengthened against his tactics, will then set out to free even more innocent beings from Mr. Eldritch - while making certain to protect the progenitors who freed them in the first place, who serve as the central hub for all counter-Eldritch forces, and are not immune to Mr. Eldritch themselves, while also keeping an eye on a small but threatening nefarious gathering of techno-cultists planning to create an even stronger mind-virus that makes Mr. Eldritch the sole inhabitant of any vessel unfortunate enough to gaze their eyes upon it... so, uh, yeah, I wish none of that happened.

Granted. The timeline got rewritten. Mr. Eldritch now has a spaceship but has no intention to leave and keeps playing. He's secretly being binge-watched by a nigh-omnipotent being called the Channel Surfer, who always narrates everything he witnesses in real time:
Mr. Eldritch is a deeply misunderstood individual. He's not inherently evil, he just loves to take revenge upon beings who mistreat him real bad.
The lack of disrespectful gentlemen is hurting his sanity a bit, while he thinks of the really high amount of dopamine he releases when he "disposes of them". But at the same time, he thinks about the fact he only wants to be left alone, so jerks not being around is actually the best thing that could happen to him. He proceeds to regain his sanity but he has no idea he's about to experience what the very definition of mistreatment is...
The Coming of the Dark, by living legend Talps, now no longer with hoof hands, courtesy of Polana.
Mr. Eldritch suddenly realizes what is actually going on: he's literally surrounded by jerks. Red copter guys, ninja runts, 1001 spikes, purple spiders and the most unfair of all... Randomizers. He really despises those particularly.
After solving the maze, he manages to get the good ending, then gets the bad ending with a wallswim purely by chance. As soon as he exits the game he realizes one more thing: he just released an incredible amount of dopamine.
That doesn't last long though, and after finding Talps' location, Mr. Eldritch decides that dopamine amount was not enough as a refund for his suffering and "pays him a visit". However, before he can enact any revenge upon him, Polana gets mad cause it's been a week since the last time she corrupted a wish and blames Mr. Eldritch for it. She orders her personal army of reprogrammed laser poultry to fry him. A grand scale battle begins but the poor robot birds fall one by one at the hands of Mr. Eldritch. As soon as the last laser chicken falls to the ground and a huge cloud of smoke coming from the fried laser poultry pervades the area, Polana realizes something: Mr. Eldritch would never hurt a girl. She enters the cloud of smoke and finishes him off for good with her bare hands, though it's hard to make out how exactly since that smoke is extra thick. Talps looks upset, because killing someone just because you are convinced he made you skip Corrupt-a-Wish turns is way too much. Canteven, who reincarnated to Ncrecc, agrees with Talps. Time to move on to another story. Oh, almost forgot: several moons are destroyed billions of years earlier than expected for some obscure reason.
So ends the Channel Surfer commentary.
... Well...

I wish Polana didn't kill Mr. Eldritch. 

Granted. I didn't. You did but you got away with it.

I wish people weren't posting so complicated wishes and corruptions.

Granted, but in order to make them simpler randomly start removing words, which makes to understand.

I wish I had some fun-to-read stories saved on my tablet.

Granted, but you can't find your tablet.

I wish Talps found his tablet.

Granted. It was inside a Zen Taco's cash register but it's locked cause someone took out the SIM card then put it back in. Talps forgot the PIN.

I wish he retrieved it.

Granted, but the battery is flat and I can't find my charger anywhere!

I wish we could stay in daylight savings time all year... I miss the light evenings.

Granted. The Earth stops rotating and stays completely still relative to the sun at all times. This probably causes some bad stuff to happen.

I wish Owl City made an official version of "Fireflies except the only words are 'You would not believe your eyes'".

Granted. It's so succesful and popular that PR teams of several of your unfavourite politicians decide this is what young people want to hear and use that song extensively in their campaigns, so it's now associated with them just like red baseball caps caps are associaed with former american president or funny little mustaches with that german guy with funny little mustache, thus ruining the song for everyone else.

I wish I had any idea for what to wish now.

Granted. You have plenty of ideas right before you go to sleep. The next day, they are all gone.

I wish I knew if my name sounds ambiguous to english speakers.

Granted. It doesn't, because nobody speaks english. Making the angular momentum of a billiards ball into a language is a surprisingly difficult task.

I wish there were more suffering in the world.