Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted! It's only sensible to me and I'm literally crazy so good luck with that.

I wish for more of the delicious chicken stir-fry my sister made.

Granted. You and your sister are trapped in the same house for two weeks. You have all ingredients for two weeks' supply of the chicken stir fry and nothing else to eat, so she cooks it every day for each meal. After a week the mere thought of chicken stir fry makes you sick but there is still one week left.

I wish my smartphone and my laptop were able to communicate normally, like before I had to reset the phone.

Granted, they are able to communicate normally, but only when they're both set to the Korean language.

I wish I didn't have to get up early tomorrow.

Granted! I time travel back to the past and prevent you from having to wake up early. Instead you have to stay awake for the next week watching old sitcom reruns that no one finds funny.

I wish for some food.

Gosh I feel like I always wish for food.

Granted. You are magically transformed into goat and can eat grass, leaves and anything plant based around you, so you have more food.

I wish for a pair of blue wooly fluffy socks.

Granted. However, all your other socks are eaten by Purple Ink (who is, as we know, a goat).

I wish for the thing I ordered to arrive on time and in good condition.

Granted. After a day it was scheduled to arrive, it does not. You contact the shipper, and they say your thing will indeed be arriving shortly. Out of politeness, you say that it's no big issue. After a week, still nothing. You begin to suspect something is amiss, but you contact the shipper again, and they insist it will arrive on time, and you politely wait. A month goes by. You again contact the shipper who ensures you that it will arrive on time, and again you politely wait. A year goes by, and the shipper provides the same reassuring statement, and you continue to politely wait. Two years. Three years. Four years. After about five years, you have become a futile doormat from all of the waiting, and will accept any time that it arrives as "on time". Also, the world turned into a Mad Max-esque postapocalyptic wasteland in the meantime, so that's something.

I wish there were 4 more types of pastry in the world that are really good and that no-one had ever heard about before.

Granted. These are four kinds of pirozki with unusual filling that were being made only for a few months by one small bakery somewhere in rural Ukraine. The bakery went out of business shortly after they were introduced, because although those pirozki were great, the bakery made horrible bread. You never got to taste them.

I wish that daffodil bulbs I ordered as a birthday gift were delivered on time.

Granted, but when they arrive you discover you accidentally ordered lightbulbs.

I wish that I didn't have a sore throat.

Granted. Your head retracts far enough into your body that most of your throat no longer exists.

I wish for this wish to remain ungranted.

Granted. You get nothing and instead bear consequences of wishes of other people playing this game now.

I wish I could get back in time to this Monday.

Granted, you have a time machine that can take you back to your exact position five days ago. Unfortunately it doesn't account for the movement of the Earth, sun or Milky Way, so you emerge in interplanetary space.

I wish for a bunch of awesome ideas for the D&D session I'm running this evening.

Granted! You have amazing, life-changing ideas planned out. No one shows up.

I wish I wasn't cold right now.

Granted. You're hot right now.

I wish people lost their ability to speak.

Granted. People lost their ability to speak, so they sing like in opera now.

I wish the new Dune movie was already available in my country, played in the cinema in my town, I had time to go watch it and there were no noisy and inconsiderate people in said cinema so I could enjoy it.