Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Suddenly, the power goes out, and you can't light a candle in your bedroom.

I wish.

Granted! But.

I wish I had more motivation to play some games.

Granted; you are suddenly very, very motivated to play Snakes and Ladders, Mousetrap, and a bunch of other boardgames designed for small children.

I wish people were better at writing emails.

Granted. People are tired of those short answers, errors in grammar and spelling and simple repetitive language, so they start to act as if they were writing poetry, turning emails and also letters and forum or chat posts into perfect sonnets. Because most people suck at writing poetry, writing anything tooks much more time than before and people eventually return to telegrams in Morse code.

I wish those birds that are nesting next to my bedroom window would stop singing at 4 o'clock each morning.

Granted! They now start signing at 3 o'clock.

I wish the weather wouldn't be so hot.

Granted. North Korea launches a nuke at the US, nuclear war happens (which is when things get really hot, though the weather isn't really to blame), followed of course by nuclear winter, and the extinction of the human race.

Wow, I wish that hadn't gotten quite so dark.

Granted. You edit your post and rewrite it as, "Granted. The weather is now a good temperature, but you are now being hugged by warm cute fluffy kittens that make you feel slightly hot." Unfortunately, everyone already remembers what you originally wrote, so you use a time machine to prevent yourself from having written it to begin with. The resulting paradox results in the slow, confusing, and extremely painful death of every living being on Earth, as the ripping apart of the fabric of reality gradually mangles their own consciousness and sense of self.

Crap, now I wish that hadn't gotten so dark.

Granted. Because neither plants, microbes or primitive animals have no or very little sense of self and consciousness, they don't notice there is any time paradox destroying reality and  survive. After several millions of years, human race is replaced by intelligent sea sponges whose civilisation is based on mining and utilising plastic waste left behind by humans.

I wish I had dark, cold and moderately wet room in which time stops in the moment I close it's doors that I can use as a storage for fresh produce and eggs.

Granted, but the time stopping tech will break irreparably if you open the door more than once every eleven months.

I wish for a great anime to watch and a great computer game to play.

Granted! There now exists a great anime to watch and a great computer game to play. You have access to neither.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

Granted. You don't have head now.

I wish for apricot cake.

Granted. You received it - but made of rotten apricots.

I wish no one died.

Granted: the world of quickly horribly overcrowded and life becomes terrible as the climate collapses, there's no food and we're all stuck here.

I wish to be braver.

Granted. You are now a YouTuber named Braver. Your channel is about you being very scared to make mistakes but vlog about attempting to become braver. Even though you fail utterly at your attempts, people love to see you fail and such you are very famous for it.


I wish it was actually summer here. As in, sunny, warm, etc.

Granted. It's now 5% more sum than usual. Hence making it summer! I'll be here all night, folks.

I wish these trains could take me away.