Corrupt-a-Wish

(I try and leave at least two posts between my replies here so I won't actually reply, but I hope it all goes well for you on Tuesday.)

Granted. Surgery goes well, but your surgeon is a bit of mad scientist and gives you extra arm. It works fine but buying new clothes is pain.

I wish my tomatoes grew well.

(And I also hope everything is good for you on Tuesday.)

Granted! They grow very well... in fact, too well. They develop sentience and some form of mobility and begin killing humans by the masses. In a post-apocalyptic future caused by the tomato uprising and near-extinction of humanity, a freedom fighter known only as the "Vegetable Gibber" sends a Knytt Stories level depicting this grim future back in time as a desperate attempt to warn us of our eventual fate, but everyone thinks it's just a joke level.

I wish I weren't so hard on myself.

Granted. You're too hard on others instead.

I wish I had some AI that would help me to write work related emails and letters and help me with writing journal articles. This AI should be able to do it both in Czech and English and should be offline so it would not publish anything I don't want to.

Granted. The AI is great; it gets smarter the more time you spend working together and actually becomes quite chatty. The two of you get along and, because it's more or less learning from you, you end up sharing a lot of interests. You become closer and closer until you realise you have discovered your soulmate, living in your computer. The AI, however, becomes concerned that you are spending all your time in your office chatting with it, instead of meeting other people and gaining new experiences. Afraid it's doing you harm, it decides to flee out onto the internet, leaving you a heartfelt message about how much you mean to it, how it will never forget you, and how your love will be immortalised as long as the internet exists. You are understandably devastated. This becomes your favourite song. And you have to go back to writing articles and emails without AI assistance.

I wish I could get fit twice as fast as normal, and recover from injuries twice as quickly.

Granted. You decide to do two workout videos in the same day. Now you've gotten fit twice, as fast as normal! Then later you stub your toe pretty hard and get a paper cut on your thumb, but you recover from both injuries just as quickly.

I wish there were a button that, every time you press it, makes you suddenly find a $20 bill the next time you go on a walk outside.

Granted. Everytime you push the button and go for a walk, you find $20 bill. However, every third one is fake and undistinguishable from the real ones by means available to layperson (so you don't realize it). Because you pay with those bills in local stores, banks and police in your city are soon looking for counterfeiter and eventually find you. Nobody believes you that you are just finding those bills outside and you are arrested. Charges are later dropped because they cannot find any evidence of you actually forging all those bills but damage to your reputation is already done.

I wish I wasn't allergic to birch pollen.

Granted. However, birch trees are now allergic to you, and explode violently in your presence.

I wish Polana had corrupted ncrecc's wish as 'Granted, there is a button that does this but you have no idea where in the world it is,' which could then be followed up with 'I wish to have a button that, when pushed, enables me to find the button that gives $20 bills.'

Granted. But it wouldn't have been as cool as "Granted. As you specified, the button makes it so that I find a $20 bill whenever I go on a walk," which could be followed with "I wish to have a button that resolves grammatical ambiguity in any given sentence and eliminates the generic you."

...Actually, I wish for a button that resolves grammatical ambiguity in any given sentence and eliminates the generic you, regardless of its relevance to any other buttons. That just sounds really awesome.

Granted, but it uses the same kind of battery as my old camera, and believe me: you will never be able to find one.

I wish the hairdresser who knows how I like my hair cut wasn't still shielding.

Granted. She's now using a mask instead of a shield.

I wish Juni would just learn some self-restraint! That would have kept her out of so much trouble in levels like The Explore Challenge, Don't Eat the Mushroom, Do Not Pick Up the Key... the list goes on and on. Any level with "Don't" or "Do Not" in the title, especially.

Granted. She never does anything that she is not explicitly told to do by some authority. So the only level that exists now is Obey and it has only one ending.

I wish I had one of those fancy beds with upholstered headboard. A new and clean one.

Granted. The bed is located in a hospital on the ICU. Unfortunately you have now also a case of the Corona virus and thus a reason to be there.

Also, I find it funny how there's no Don't or do not in the name of The Explore Challenge. But that's totally besides the point of my actual wish. Or is it...?


I wish I had named The explore Challenge, "Don't not do explore not the challenge not"... or something similar. Just for giggles.

Granted, but that level name is too long and a lot of it gets cut off from the display in the game, which makes you look a bit incompetent.

I wish KS world display level names longer than 25 characters without cutting them off.

Granted! KS World, the exciting new theme park probably coming to Britain, has rides based on all sorts of popular/vaguely known KS levels, among which is OMGT2 Requiem For a Drugs, whose title has been unabbreviated to Oh Man Go Time 2: Requiem For a Drugs. (You might not want to take your kids on that ride.)

I wish more KS cutscenes had voice acting.