Corrupt-a-Wish

I wish to do all of the cool stuff.

Granted. You are now a refrigerator. All you do is cool stuff.

I wish I wasn't hungry.

Granted. Stomach and sensory input removed. You have a big hole in your chest now, life expectency lowered to 3 hours. Hope you had the best time of your life though...

I wish feeling hungry was not an unpleasant feeling.

Granted. Being hungry now makes you feel like you just ate a delicious meal. Coincidentally, eating a delicious meal now makes you feel hungry. In a few weeks you grow quite thin.

I wish all the wishes in Corrupt-a-Wish were enhanced instead of corrupted!

Granted! But then some idiot wishes that all wished would be corrupted instead of enhanced!

I wish that all wished would be corrupted instead of enhanced!

Granted, but your wish gets enhanced so that the corruptions (and only the corruptions) actually happen in real life.

I wish KS+ added a new alternate death animation based on the one in Celeste.

Granted. You meant the slowed-down death animation in that scene in the mirror temple where you kill Madeline as a seeker, right? And how it returns you to the second half of mirror temple after the death animation ends?

I wish Juni's name were pronounced with an H. Like "hooney".

Granted, but it's still pronounced "jooney" in The Explore Challenge's voice-acted cutscenes, and as a result, everyone still pronounces it like that even though it's wrong. (Insert "gif" joke here.)

I wish those Nintendo Switch Online SNES controllers (the EU version) were made available to buy or at least pre-order. I'm tired of constantly checking the Nintendo website every few hours.

Granted. After days of checking the Burger King website every few hours, you're finally able to pre-order food from Burger King, despite the fact that they're obviously grilled the restaurant is having a seizure.

I wish Amazon shipping didn't take so long, so I could be listening to The Pleasure Principle on CD already. (I'd also wish Amazon weren't a terrible company, but hey, priorities.)

Granted. Amazon is now the best company that ships lightning fast. In fact, you place the order, and 5 minutes later you get the CD. But for this lightning fast speeds, you have to pay 50$ and the goods are non-refundable.

But hey, you really want one copy of this CD. It means the world to you so you don't care to spend the 50$ on it. A close friend/girlfriend/family member comes to you with a package because they think you are special. You open the package up only to find out it is another copy of this same CD. They too ordered it from Amazon with the lightning fast option, so it is a really expensive gift now. Now you feel really bad about the CD and all the magic is totally gone. If Amazon only were not such an amazing company... It would have kept that feeling in tact...


I wish I had a magic undo button somewhere stored. By pressing that button, it would completely undo one previous action, time would rewind, and it would allow me to basically make a different choice if I wanted to.

Granted. However, while you can set the "undo" time, the time you travel backwards is fixed at two weeks. So if you decide to undo the past hour because you just said something stupid to a relative, you first have to relive the past two weeks motion-for-motion before you get to the "undone" hour and gain control over your actions again.

There's another undo button where the amount of time you travel back is properly synchronized with the amount of time you undo. Unfortunately, it's fixed at an eighth of a second, so you have to press it over and over really fast to go back a meaningful amount. As a result, whenever you do something you regret, undoing it comes at the price of severe finger cramps.

Oh, and that "somewhere" they're stored? It's Area 52, the rightfully obscure sister location to Area 51. You have to ask the people in charge really nicely to take it out of storage. (But first, you have to determine who the people in charge even are and how you'd contact them.)


I wish to know the best possible wish I could make, excluding wishes such as this one that are only to gauge what wish I should make, and for it to be granted alongside this wish.

Granted. It takes a really long time to understand what the best wish is. So you enter the question into a computer. The computer starts calculating but its duration (even for a computer) is still really long. It takes several years. When the answer finally comes out as "42", you forgot what the actual question was.

I wish I could alter my vision without technology to give myself enhanced abilities, such as changing the hue of whatever I see and the ability to see infra-red and ultra-violet, amongst other things.

Granted. Your eyes mutate and your brain is internally rewired to allow for perceiving a wide range of EM radiation and applying all kinds of custom visual filters on-the-fly! Unfortunately, since this requires so much brain processing power, all other sensory input (sound, smell, touch and taste) has to be discarded.

I wish I could learn and master any language in a single day.

Granted: the Earth stops rotating so days now last a really long time. As severe weather caused by the year-long day-night cycle rapidly decimates the human race, you find yourself safely sealed inside a sub-surface bunker with a bunch of people who only speak Norwegian. Fortunately, there is nothing to distract you from learning Norwegian in a single year-long day.

I wish for a cool t-shirt.

Granted. You get a shirt that was cool a long time ago. One of "I pogs", "Eat, sleep, disco, repeat", "Proud owner of a horseless carriage", or "I play Knytt Stories". (Actually, I'd totally buy that third t-shirt.)

I wish all of the Nifforum smilies were animated!

Granted, but you need to buy Discord Nitro to use them.

I wish people would start seeing checkpoints in video games as more of a quality-of-life kinda thing, rather than something that makes a game less challenging.