Corrupt-a-Wish

Hooray for not liking any food that could taste better if you put cayenne pepper on it.

Granted, but everyone goes to Hell, because it's almost impossible to not sin.

I wish NetNavis were real.

Granted, but they all have an annoying habit of telling knock-knock jokes.

Also, I'd like to corrupt the previous wish as well:

I wish heaven and hell were real places.

Granted:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell,_Michigan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heaven_(nightclub)

I wish I could be friends with a real life Mi.

You're her friend! In fact, you're such good friends that she has you acompany her everywhere and act as her voice (because there are no convieniently guilty fairies in real life).
Inevitably your own relationships suffer and you lose your job because you're never there. You eventually perish in a tragic caving accident.

I wish heaven and hell were real places.

Alt: They already are! Wish granted (but also wasted).
StraightFlame, it is impossible. But we can be forgiven, so no worries.


I wish my apprenticeship advisor was better at being an apprenticeship advisor.

Granted. However, he's is now worse at things he learns you.

I wish I haven't headache and running nose.

Granted.  Now you haven't head or nose at all!  No more aching or running ever again!

I wish for more comedically bad grammar in the world.

Granted. People's use of English becomes so bad as to be largely illegible and human society crumbles, just so you could get some cheap jokes. You're an evil, evil person.

I wish for more love in the world.

Granted, but it's opposite day.   

I wish for people to notice this thread: http://nifflas.lpchip.nl/index.php?topic=6262.0

Granted, but the tileset gets filled with crappy MSPaint-esque tiles and knytt recolors.

I wish cacti could actually legit grow upside-down. It would, like, fill my life with so much joy.

Granted, but actually they are transformed into stalactites.

I wish I could introduce myself better to my future boss this morning (I was so disoriented, because I slept before he called me). _{But everything is fine, I'm so excited.}

Granted. You introduce yourself to your boss so well, he immediately hates you.

I wish I was better at video games x.x

Granted!  You're now so good at video games that nothing presents a substantial challenge to you so any game bores you, and absolutely nobody wants to play with you because they know they'll lose (or if it's a co-op game, you'll take all their kills/go way to far ahead and always leave them behind/etc.)!

I wish was just a little more motivated to practice guitar.

You are a little more motivated to practice guitar. You quickly excell as a musician and within a year you're one of the greatest guitar players in the world; your sell-out tour is critically aclaimed and you play to packed stadiums of screaming fans.
Inevitably, you die of a drug-overdose in a motel room in central America after biting the head off a pigeon.

I wish for a forty-minute lunch break!

Granted. Unfortunately you're on the menu of that lunch-break because you stepped in a restaurant owned by cannibals.

I wish that bug on my phone was fixed so I don't have to enable/disable airplane mode everytime my phone gets hot and it drains all battery power.

Granted. The bug is fixed, but you don't know it, because you are dead as you died of a brain tumor.

I wish I could hear someone's beautiful voice.

Granted. You are now visiting the Holder of the Voice.

I wish i could laugh like this.