Corrupt-a-Wish

It takes 0.2 seconds. Due to the extreme pressures of acceleration, you and everyone on the bus are killed.

I wish I lived closer to the train station (but not, like, one road closer or, for that matter, so close that the trains in any way decrease my quality of life - you guys can do better than that!)

Granted, but you now live in a house that's worse than your house (or villa, RV, apartment, or whatever you live in) in every way.

I wish i knew how to work with WorldEdit.

Granted. You know how to work with WorldEdit. For entirely unrelated reasons, you break your leg.

(Oh, come on! It's always "it breaks your computer in some way / doesn't work for you".)

I wish to have perfect recall activatable and deactivatable at will, to know exactly how to use this ability and to be able to use it whenever I wish. (I'm bored of "you've got it but you don't know how it works".)

You have it. Then one day you access a terrible crime and, due to your amazing memory, you become a key witness in the subsequent court case. You are forced into a long series of tests to prove that you do indeed have perfect recall but, during the process, you're assassinated by the mafia.


I wish I was more confident about the word 'gotten' because it doesn't feel like a word; that I could remember instinctively when to use 'while' and 'whilst', 'who' and 'whom', and 'effect' and 'affect'; that I could feel comfortable around 'sneaked' and 'snuck'; and that I didn't keep misusing 'wander' and 'wonder' (because I really ought to know better about that last one).

Also, don't link me to any web pages about these; I've read the rules, I just can't translate them into instinct.

Granted. You lose the rest of your vocabulary. Also, read The King's English by Fowler and Fowler. There's also the Oxford Dictionary of English Usage by Fowler, which has word-by-word entries.


I wish I never forgot appointments.

Granted. You are at every appointment even where nobody invited you.

I wish I had a good idea of some nice and solid KS level. (because I don't have any idea)

Granted. You make a level called Juni and the laminated solid, solid, solid solid. It is both nice and very solid. (See http://en.convdocs.org/docs/index-11452.html?page=8 under Gilette.)

I wish to own Rubber Duck (https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=enormous+duck&safe=active&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=KlnjUurlOpSjhgePjYDgCw&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1280&bih=620).

Granted; you own what's left of it.

I wish i could live comfortably off unemployment benefits.

Granted. You live comfortably on unemployment benefits for the rest of your life. (I couldn't think of a bettr corruption. Unemployment sucks enough anyway.)

I wish I had a free, really fast internet connection with no limits on download amounts.

Granted. You are moved to North Korea, where you become one of the 12 people granted access to the country's only internet infrastructure. No limits on download amounts, super-fast, free, heavily censored and closely monitored - always just one mistaken mouseclick away from life in prison. Enjoy!

I wish I had a trusty servant to take care of household chores in our home while we're busy doing more important things.

Granted. You have a robot that is capable of doing all ordinary housekeeping tasks acceptably and is completely trustworthy. It has natural language interpretation so you can give it commands vocally. It is not very clever and is very, very literal-minded. Have fun!

I wish I could perform ordinary household tasks (cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.) flawlessly by magic.

Granted. Soon all your friends and neighbors learn about your new ability, and rope you into doing their chores for them, until finally it seems like doing chores is all you ever do.

I wish the local supermarket had a much better selection of tea.

Granted. The supermarket has a much better selection of tea, but it contains invisible dried rat droppings. Good appetite!

I wish I had a big magic sword which I could use for bad people.

 

Granted. You are helping bad people using your sword.
I wish for coffee.

Wish Granted! But your coffee is stolen by CWolvie with her sword.

I wish for some music.