Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. Now everything is in fire. No escape. You died.

I wish for some fries.

Granted. One day, you go home. You open your front door, and you find out that your entire house is filled with fries. They're cold though, so eating it is not really an option. As fries are full of baking oil, it leaves a big mess. But hey, you got your fries!

I wish to win the lottery.

Granted. You now live in a small village where every month one person is randomly selected to be sacrificed to the crystal dragon Jesus. Guess who gets sacrificed today.

I wish i was at least somewhat good at parkour.

Granted, but one wrong move and you spend rest of your life in wheelchair without ability of moving. You can move only with your head.

I wish I could control people's minds - their feelings, emotions, speech, thoughts...all formed by me.

Granted. But in order to control people's mind they have to be receptive. And the only way to be receptive is if they can control other people's mind too. So as such, you're not alone and someone else decides to control your mind first.

I wish to win a big money price.

Granted. Unfortunately, there is 75% tax in your country, so it won't be so great as you expected.
I wish I can drive a car.

Granted. You can drive well enough to not cause any kind of accidents ever in your entire life, but you're not allowed to drive because you don't have a driver's license.

I wish the "It's not about fun, it's about winning!" kind of gamers didn't exist.

Granted. All current games have been erased from its existence. A new form of gaming is replaced. They're team games and because no one wants to loose, you always win. As such, its no longer about winning but just about having fun. Most people, including you are not interested in this kind of gaming though...

I wish for a hotdog.

Granted. It is actually made up of dogs and it's so hot that it burns your hands and mouth.
I wish I didn't have to wear glasses.

Granted, but the reason you don't have to wear glasses is because you're totally blind!

I wish selectively forget about things I don't want to remember (without erasing anything I would like to remember).

Come on... Read the entire wish. This obviously is not a good corruption. Because as such, I will invalidate this post.

Granted. You forget everything you want to forget. But as a bonus for having the 3513581935th wish, you get a reversed result too. So as bonus, your head gets filled with tonnes of things. Some useful information but mostly information you can't do anything with. As result you're not sure if something is good or bad, but even worse, your head is so full you cannot learn new things either.

I wish OpenSUSE would not have published that update to 12.3 which has basically made my server not work anymore.

Granted. 13.1 was released instead of 12.3. Well, at least the part that's already finished.

I wish Youtube channels dedicated to griefing didn't exist.

Granted. There is no You Tube anymore, just Grief Tube. No need of special channels dedicated to grieving.

I wish for new swimsuit and cool sunglasses (summer's here, yay!).

Granted. You get an extra-extra-extra-extra-extra large swimsuit, and an ice sculpture that represents a pair of sunglasses. (scale 1 to 500)

I wish for a nice painting.