Corrupt-a-Wish

Granted. You have super magic rainboom powers that can heal your stepdad's collarbone. Unfortunately, it breaks the collarbone of everyone else in the world. Nice. Meanie.

I wish -my- collarbone wasn't broken now. ;-;
Don't reply with a generic "lololol another bone's broken now". :v

Granted, but it's never going to break, and it healed the wrong way.  Ouch!

I wish that I would not be horrifically bad with shotguns!

Granted, but it's never going to break, and it healed the wrong way.  Ouch!

I wish that I would not be horrifically bad with shotguns!

Granted! Whenever you shoot something, you always hit! Even if it's not something you were aiming at...but who cares!? You hit something!

I wish this thread wouldn't keep dying. :v
I wish I could finish this sentence without ha--HNNNNNNNNGGGG

Granted! Your classmates now play Minecraft. However, they somehow found a way to reprogram their Runescape bots to play Minecraft for them. Every time you join an online server, their bots automatically collect all valuable resources in the most efficient way possible, leaving you nothing.

I wish to do well on my final exams this week.

Granted! In fact, you do so well on them, aliens from another planet kidnap you to do all of their math/science/whatever jobs for them. And you don't even get a dental plan!

I wish I had some delicious ice cream.

Granted, but there's one caveat...  The Ice Cream's melted.

I wish for my older brother to not have an alleged car!  (Translation:  I wish my older brother didn't have a bad car!)

Granted. Your older brother is selected to drive the world's first Super-Car, a machine that is stronger, faster, better than any other vehicle in existence. Unfortunately, it tragically crashes on its first real drive. Au revoir, older brother.

I wish I wasn't having such a crummy day.

Granted, your day just became worst.

I wish my brother's radio would throw itself out the window.

Granted. Unfortunately, this event marks the beginning of a machine uprising that wipes out the human race over the next five years.

I wish my sleep schedule was less messed up.

Granted. You now suffer total lack of sleep. You do feel tired, you just can't sleep. No sleep means no sleep cycle or schedule that can be messed up. Due to being constantly tired, it takes you about 5 times as long to get stuff done.

I wish I could instantly teleport to any location with pinpoint accuracy. (so I don't get into walls and stuff)

Granted. However, you can't teleport anything besides yourself and now spend your days teleporting out of jails after being arrested for indecent exposure.

I wish that glue sticks actually stuck to things I wanted them to, and not to my fingers.

Granted, but now it sticks to hair!  Ouch!

I wish I was a part of some alien-exterminating organization!  (Ala X-Com)

Granted. You get hired after all the aliens have been defeated so you can do the paperwork.

I wish I was at a rock concert (watching Rock in Rio live on youtube right now)

Granted, but the concert is for Lads-A-Million, the official worst rock band ever. Their music is so bad that it killed a pony once.

I wish I could go to the beach this summer.