Capture the Orb

OMG i am so lame how does salt kill me i think i am an NPC but i am actually an enemy because all NPC's are enemies boohoo

Well, actually, i consider you an enemy.

Firius! Raise kaizoman666's body temperature until he spontaneously combusts!
...Firius? Uh... I am chosen to decide the fate of all in this world... So would you PLEASE make him explode? ...well, then i have to do it on my own... I just kill you, kaizoman666. And you didn't know that, in the afterlife, if you were mean to ANYONE, an evil version of them will attack you in a bottomless pit until you hit the bottom. And, this is a bottomless pit, so...

Luckily, the afterlife is a planet too. So eventually, I come out the other end. However, I fell (rose?) too fast, and launched out of the atmosphere. I then floated through space back to Earth (ignore the fact that I can't breathe in space), where I punch you in the face, steal the orb, and then exit the room. I then fill the room with poisonous gases that causes you to die, so I run off to England to laugh menacingly with my new pet orb.

Also, SF, lets stop the flamewar before it gets this topic closed...

Yeah, let's... 

Okay.. you guys had fun.

Anyway, I open up a pet shop and use my ingenious encyclopedia salesman techniques to convince you to bring your orb there. I then swap the orb with a tennis ball, that has been selectively bred to look like an orb. (Mind you, it's not a fake orb. It's a tennis ball.) I take the orb back with me the the gas chamber with StraightFlame. I pull him out with a fishing rod, toss the orb in and lock the door.

There are NO fake orbs, look-alike orbs, mirage orbs, unidentified flying orbs, or any other form of orb besides the original.

That tennis ball was a look-alike orb. So, in fact, it was a fake orb. I still have the orbeyness

Isnt kaizo supposed to have the orb?

Yeah, I am... So how did StraightFlame get it?

Because I took it, and then he decided to continue with the topic ruining stuff. Besides, you he never had a fake orb. I just gave him one.

I, ignoring the currently occurring conversation, jump dramatically onstage for my big theatrical finish. Since it's tradition to lob some, non-clothing object onstage, you're forced to toss me the orb.

Thanking the lovely audience, I proceed to exit the area during curtain call, which you don't leave because you are all so, so, SO polite.

Also, I get to da choppa and fly into Pie Town, New Mexico.

I get in MY choppa and chase you, when i get near you i jump to your copter, rudely take the orb and jump to my copter again. But then i realize that i just crashed the copter into a mountain. I hide in a near cave and install a automatic turret in the entrace

You really can't let the orb teleport to you by saying that the orb was still there because you said something. You do have to take it from them. Kaizo, continue posting. Sorry for this mess, I was gone for a while. Anyway, I become a god again. I fly to Firecat, and reflect the bullets to Firecat's head. I grab the orb and fly to a land only accessible to Immortals.

Well, considering the fact that none of us ever die, no matter how many times we're killed in this game, I am able to enter the Land Only Accessible to Immortals. I bring Phoenix Wright with me, and you are found guilty of some random crime, and are stripped of your immortality. I then proceed to kick you, 300-style, into a pit. I then steal the orb from wherever you put it, and run off to the interwebz to hide amongst the thousands of trolls.

I, having just a strip of immortality left, am able to still fly, and travel time. I fly to Kaizo, and take him into the past. I show him how he could stop trolling. He accepts the challenge, and I take the orb.

Bursting into the room

Entering stage left, I use my HaX0r tool to Hack into the World Wide Int3rnets database and drag the "Orb" file from SingingSurger to my computer. After that I print out the orb, and inflate it with a bicycle pump. Then I delete the "Orb" file to prevent any illegal copies from being made. Then I exit stage right.

I rotate the stage 90 degrees clockwise. You fall out the right, which is now the bottom, and I place a magnet on the top (or is it the right?). The orb is magnetized to the top, and I give the stage a 90 degree counter-clockwise rotation, facing from the base. I run off what is now the right, and you are at the right side, which is now the back.

I place the orb in a box and attach it to the top of Mt. Everest.