The Jokes topic

lol-ish.

My joke:
Warning! This joke is about a Dutch guy!
A Belgian and a Dutch guy are stranded on an island. Someone (which i will refer to as Chief) comes towards them and says: ''Kill them!'' The Belgian says: ''I WILL DO ANYTHING TO AVOID GETTING KILLED!'' Chief's reaction: ''Meh, first find 100 fruits of the same kind on this island, and bring them to me. You'll need them for the thing you gotta do'' and then the Belgian and the Dutch guy go search for those things. The Belgian returns first and had 100 berries. Chief says, ''Seems okay, now push them into your stomach, thru the ass, WITHOUT LAUGHING'' And the Belgian does that. At the 99th berry, he laughs. Just before he gets killed, someone asks him why he laughed. ''That Dutch guy just returned with 100 coconuts''

I figure I should pull out a potentially bad chess joke.
What did the pawn say to the rook he just defeated?

2 Pumpkinbot: Any joke is allowed as long as you can laugh about it. This is a jokes topic, so I trust everyone to post jokes and no direct flames toward another member. If you feel that the joke might be too sensitive to certain people, like religious jokes, blond jokes, etc... Put the joke in a spoiler, and put the warning in the spoiler text or above.

I revive this thread with MOAR JOKES.

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

Let's go ride bikes! :D

My English teacher loved that joke.

Why is all the rum gone?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

I was thinking about that like literally an hour ago.

What happened to the magical tractor?

What is red, and smells like blue paint?

A baby seal walks into a club.

Small bump.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I got a couple from my dad who got them from the New York Times or something.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cow say.
Cow say who?
No, cow say "moo"!

...I guess that's the only funny one I can remember.

A HA HA HA HA!  No.

Here's another joke.

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

Good ones StraightFlame.

I know a few of those too!

Here I go with yet ANOTHER cliche joke.

Woman: Bye!

Man: Finally! Do you realize how long i was waiting?

Woman: Would you ever want me to go?

Man: No way! I would never in my entire life even think of that!

Woman: Do you love me?

Man: Of course. In fact, i won't even do anything else.

Woman: Did you ever sleep with another woman?

Man: Nope. Why are you asking me?

Woman: Do you want to kiss me?

Man: Anytime i get the chance.

Woman: Would you ever hurt my feelings?

Man: I'd commit suicide if that was true.

Woman: I can trust you, right?

Man: Yes?

Woman: Honey...

(this may seem the perfect couple, but the truth is that the text should be read from down to up)