The Jokes topic

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Offline LPChip

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The Jokes topic
« on: August 28, 2009, 14:03:16 »
The objective of this game is to post one Joke that hasn't been posted before.

You May reply to previous jokes, but your post HAS TO contain a joke. (failure gets your post deleted.)

If you want to reply, either quote that post and remove everything but the first 5 words then add a ... or write your reply in [i] tags.



Example:

Q: Why do fish become so smart?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

Quote from: LPChip
There once was a nice...
Good one!

or

2 LPChip: That last one is a good one!
« Last Edit: August 31, 2009, 14:20:26 by LPChip »
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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2009, 01:58:53 »
Where does Friday come before Wednesday?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

@LP: Is this a lame joke topic or an any joke topic?
« Last Edit: August 29, 2009, 13:46:25 by LPChip »
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Offline LPChip

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2009, 13:48:23 »
Bill and Greg are sitting in a car, waiting for a red trafficlight.

Bill says to Greg: Hey, its green.

Greg sayS: A frog!


2 Purple Pineapple: good one :). Also, any joke is okay, as long as you can laugh about it.

on the left, above my avatar.

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2009, 14:07:17 »
Bill and Greg are sitting in a car, waiting for a red trafficlight.

Bill says to Greg: Hey, its green.

Greg sayS: A frog!


2 Purple Pineapple: good one :). Also, any joke is okay, as long as you can laugh about it.



rofl lmao OMGAWESOMESAUCE!

...i dont get it. Whats with the frog? And why are they waiting for a RED light?


My joke:

Q: What happens if a diamond is laid in water for 24 hours?
Spoiler: answer (click to show/hide)

Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2009, 19:27:44 »
2 Purple Pineapple: good one...
That was kind of an old joke..

Where's the best place to find white hair?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)
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Offline Salmoneous

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2009, 07:31:12 »
Two guys stand on the escalator to heaven and they start to talk about how they died.

So how did you die?

I freezed to death.

That's horrible. I died in a heart attack. I knew my wife was cheating on me so one day I was going to surprise her and her lover but when I got home he was gone. I looked everywhere and when I was going up to the attic I got an heart attack and died.

What an irony. If you would have looked in the fridge we would both be alive.

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Offline StaticRomantic

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2009, 07:36:52 »
The funniest joke in the world.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LhmnOpoGAPw

anyways:
"My dog's got no nose..."
"How does it smell?"
"Awful."

(no, that's not the funniest joke in the world. watch the video.  :P)
« Last Edit: August 31, 2009, 07:44:23 by StaticRomantic »

Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2009, 08:04:48 »
The funniest joke in the..
Oh my god I love that skit!

What begins with an e, ends with an e, and has one letter in it?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)
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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2009, 01:42:33 »
Why are vain architects terrible hosts?
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Offline stojke

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2009, 19:10:41 »
Little Jimmy comes home with a bag full of apples. His father asks him:
-Jimmy where did you get all those apples?
Jimmy:
-From our neighbour Max.
Father:
-Does he know about that?
Jimmy:
-Yeah he chased me all the way here.
Open your eyes.

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Offline StaticRomantic

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2009, 06:49:58 »
Demetri Martin quotes.

?I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that?s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ?go outside.??

?Saying ?I?m sorry? is the same as saying ?I apologize.? Except when you're at a funeral.?

?The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.?

"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I?d probably just start calling out letters."

"What do you call someone who can?t tell the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Fat."

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Offline AClockworkLemon

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #11 on: September 16, 2009, 10:28:00 »
There were two fish. One swam into a concrete wall and said "Dam"

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Spoiler: answer (click to show/hide)
I'm not dead. Not entirely. And yes, I'm embarrassed by most of the posts I made here.
:hiddenstar: - From Pumpkinbot

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Offline LPChip

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2009, 10:13:03 »
Coastguard: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

US Ship: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Coastguard: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collission.

US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Coastguard: Negative. I say again, you will have to divert your course.

US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER US LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLATNIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Coastguard: We're a lighthouse. Your call.
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Offline Pumpkinbot

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2009, 05:06:13 »
(@StaticRomantic: Those quotes are pure win. I love the hangman joke. X))
"Hey, I just got a new hearing aid."
"Cool. How's it work?"
*looks at watch* "About nine-thirty."

What's round on both sides and high in the middle?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

What do you call someone who lays down in front of the door?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

What do you call someone with no arms or legs that hangs on the wall?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

What do you call someone who hangs out in the mailbox with a large price written on him?
Spoiler: (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Long jokes are long. (click to show/hide)

Also, LPChip, if we put a disclaimer, can we put "yo mama" jokes and blond jokes?
A God, a Messiah, an Angel, a King, a Prince, and an All Terrain Vehicle.

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Offline LPChip

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Re: The Jokes topic
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2009, 16:10:07 »


2 Pumpkinbot: Any joke is allowed as long as you can laugh about it. This is a jokes topic, so I trust everyone to post jokes and no direct flames toward another member. If you feel that the joke might be too sensitive to certain people, like religious jokes, blond jokes, etc... Put the joke in a spoiler, and put the warning in the spoiler text or above.
on the left, above my avatar.

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"If I tried to kill you, I'd end up with a big fat hole through my laptop." - Chironex