The Game of Destruction

I hire a surgeon to reach inside your throat and cut your vocal chord.

(Does Axel from Kingdom Hearts count? His hair does defy gravity, but he doesn't have a sword. He has these weird spiked disc things. xD)

Yes, because the people in KH were developed by Squeenix, the guys who made FF.

I reach inside the surgeon's throat AND RIP HIS HEART OUT.

Then I wash my hands thoroughly with soap and water.

Assuming your hands are the object, i cut them off. The object here is this pretty sharp... thing.

I melt the uninspired sharp thing by LAUNCHING IT INTO THE SUN.

I feed my dog something that tastes like sun. And is pretty big. And hot. And bright.

I get my cat to frame your dog for the murder of a mouse, then call Animal Control to take the  dog away.

I´m going to call Mr. Mittens, who`s enjoying his own person to much to allow an other cat existing next to him. The result is that mr. Mittens is going to kill your cat (sorry dude I really love cats but... Mr. Mittens is to forcefull...)

I give Mr. Mittens the wrong pizza order. He commits suicide.

I clone Mr. Mittens so he can murder the delivery guy, and destroy the order with whatever means necessary.

　　　　　　　　　　∧＿∧　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　　　　　　　 （　´∀｀）　＜　hello i am table cat i eat ur nuke
　　　　　　　　／　　　　|　　　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿___________
　　　　　　　/ 　　　 　 .|　　　　　
　　　　　　 / "⌒ヽ |.ｲ |
　　　＿＿ |　　　.ノ | || |＿＿
　 .　　　 ノく＿＿つ∪∪　　 ＼
　　　＿（（＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼
　　 ￣￣ヽつ￣￣￣￣￣￣ | |￣
　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_| |
　　 ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |

　　　　　　　　　　∧＿∧　　　／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
　　　　　　　　　 （　´∀｀）　＜　hello i am table cat i eat ur nuke
　　　　　　　　／　　　　|　　　 ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿___________
　　　　　　　/ 　　　 　 .|　　　　　
　　　　　　 / "⌒ヽ |.ｲ |
　　　＿＿ |　　　.ノ | || |＿＿
　 .　　　 ノく＿＿つ∪∪　　 ＼
　　　＿（（＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_＼
　　 ￣￣ヽつ￣￣￣￣￣￣ | |￣
　　　＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿_| |
　　 ￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣| |

I kill table cat with a sledge-hammer

I throw the sledge-hammer into the middle of Lake Michigan.

*utilizes a bathtub plug to drain lake michigan*
[object:  Bathtub Plug]

Hammer, hammer, hammer the plug, to destroy a dream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
i just ruined a dream.

(object = hammer)

Hammer, hammer, hammer the plug, to destroy a dream
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
i just ruined a dream.

(object = hammer)

It seems that we're rhyming once again,
So now I have been forced to come back and send,
Sharks with fricken' laser beams,
To destroy your hammer and your...beans.