WARNING:INCOMING WALL OF TEXT
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Formal writing FTW!
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Dear <potential player name> 's <mother/father/guardian> ,
It has probably come to your attention that your <son/daughter> has expressed interest in purchasing the game Minecraft. It is also probable that you, like so many parents before you, were unsettled by your <son/daughter>'s frantic description of the game;
"It's like Lego, only with zombies! also it's online so's there's lotsa people playing as well also dynamite and giant exploding green peni things OHMYGOODNESSIMUSTHAVETHISGAMEITSFTW!"
I am writing to you to tell you that such fears are understandable, but unfounded. One of your primary concerns about the game probably is the supposed level of violence; however, the only actual fighting (which is few and far between) is very tame, namely jabbing the enemy with your blocky appendage until they disappear in a puff of smoke. In addition, the game contains a feature (dubbed "peaceful mode") that disables all enemies entirely.
Another common problem is that of multiplayer mode; as we all know, anyone on the internet could be anyone. To combat this, most servers-or at least mine-are constantly monitored by the server operator*, and impose a strict ranking system to keep away nasties and uglies that wish to <abduct/murder/disturb/melt/dissolve/de-spine/potato-salad-ify> your <potential player's age> year old.
However, Minecraft is very addictive, so I would advise purchasing an IV unit and filling it with gravy.
In conclusion, Minecraft is a awesome game that you should defiantly purchase for your <son/daughter>'s entertainment, for the low price of just $10. It will almost certainly not damage your <son/daughter> beyond repair**, despite what you might assume.
Yours sincerely,
Jim Joyce, <position of authority>
*When I'm awake, not busy, not away, and not on fire
**Beyond Seven years of psychometric therapy, or Ten years of infirmary treatment
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ARGH! I keep missing everyone on the server! Every time I look at the logs, I always see that the very last entry is "forget this, I'm leaving"! Why am I not told about these things?