Nifflas' Support Forum

Being Creative => Development Showcase => Topic started by: Healy on August 11, 2012, 01:08:02

Title: I wrote a poem!
Post by: Healy on August 11, 2012, 01:08:02

While walking outside today I saw something that inspired me to write a little poem. So I did! It was the first poem I've written in a long while. Check it:

Autumn colors rarely start before September, yet--
August this year has more dead leaves than most.
While walking I spied a broadleaf full of crimson;
Drought caused it grief enough to give up ghost.

What sadness are all leaves lost in Highest Summer!
These bright-dead colors to Fall belong the most.
How cruel is Nature, to stress this life to breaking,
And leave all the Earth to become a quiet ghost.

What do you guys think of it?

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: Widget on August 11, 2012, 08:47:29

I don't really read, understand or generally take an interest in poetry but it seems good to me. Very evocative and raw with emotion.

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: LPChip on August 11, 2012, 12:22:23

nice poem, but the only thing I see wrong with this poem, is the fact that you use most to ghost twice. Would've loved to see you use 2 different words in the second part.

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: sergiocornaga on August 11, 2012, 12:36:03

Feedback for Healy
Your poem has appealy
It makes me feely

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: Healy on August 11, 2012, 22:16:59

Thanks for the comments guys! To be honest I was just happy that I had managed to write an entire poem, so to hear that it was actually kind of good was very pleasant.

Quote from: LPChip on August 11, 2012, 12:22:23

nice poem, but the only thing I see wrong with this poem, is the fact that you use most to ghost twice. Would've loved to see you use 2 different words in the second part.

I did that on purpose, accidentally. I noticed I had used "most" for the first end rhyme in both the first and second stanzas, so I decided to use the same rhyme words in both stanzas. I'm not sure if that's to the poem benefit or detriment though.

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: Raicuparta on August 11, 2012, 22:34:04

If it was a longer poem it would become obvious that it was intentional, but with only two stanzas it just feels like lack of imagination, even though it is unlikely that you wouldn't notice the repetition.
That said, it is still hard for me to "feel" and interpret poems in English, even though I do pretty well in my own language.

Title: Re: I wrote a poem!
Post by: sergiocornaga on August 11, 2012, 23:39:09

The repetition of rhyme words comes off as fine to me, there are a lot of poetic forms with that feature.

Quote from: Healy on August 11, 2012, 22:16:59

I did that on purpose, accidentally.

Does not compute!